Making the first move online is easier said than done. On one hand, online dating sites are designed to make initiating contact the easiest. thing. ever. When all you have to do is swipe left or right to let someone know you’re into them, it doesn’t get any more simple than that – right?! However, because online dating sites make it so easy to get in touch, it’s also incredibly easy to become passive, lazy and complacent when it comes to seeking out new connections with other singles.
With that said, here’s a little secret that is bound to improve your dating life: make the first move. By this I mean taking the time to message people first – and no, sending 100 people the same message that says “UR HOTT” doesn’t count. As soon as you stop waiting around for other people to do the honors, you’re going to open yourself up to way more dating possibilities and here’s why-
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Not enough women make the first move.
If you’re a woman, making the first move online is an easy and effective way to improve your dating life. Why? Because not enough women do it. Ask any guy who’s tried online dating and he’ll tell you that it’s frustrating always having to message women first. If they’re not already afraid of saying something that might come off as “creepy,” they’re worried that the woman in question already has an inbox full of messages and will never get back to them. I’ve had guys tell me that it’s always such a relief when a woman messages them first. With the pressure off, they can focus on establishing a connection. So, send that first message. You might just make someone’s day – or at the very least give them a break from the “Bueller? Bueller?”- like process that comes from having to always make the first move.
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It means you’re taking ownership over your dating life.
This applies to both genders. Although it’s easy to just sit back in your pajamas, aimlessly looking through online dating profiles, like a fisherman waiting for a bite; if you’re really committed to meeting someone online you have to show up and put in a bit the leg work. I’ve heard it said by experts that online dating shouldn’t be used as a dating service, but rather an introduction service. Although it’s not impossible to meet someone by literally doing nothing online aside from posting a profile, your dating life is going to be much more interesting and rewarding if you reach out to people you’re actually interested in getting to know.
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You’re setting an example while also setting yourself apart from the pack.
Tired of creepy and/or lame messages of the “UR HOTT” variety? Yeah, me too. One of the number one things I hear singles complain about is how good online dating messages are few and far between – and by “good” I mean messages that are friendly, thoughtful, non-creepy and still concise. By making the first move and sending that lovely person you stumbled across online something that will light up their inbox, you’re not only are doing online dating the right way, you’re also making the internet just a tiny bit better.
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You get back what you put out there.
Building on what I said above, if you want to meet someone online you have to put yourself out there. I’m a firm believer in the power of attraction. While it’s totally OK to sit back and see what comes in (after all, we all need a breather from being really active online), you can’t expect awesome results with no effort. However, the more good stuff you put out there, the more you get back. This is where making the first move comes in.
It’s true – not everyone is going to write back to those wonderful online dating messages you’re sending out, but that’s OK. Don’t take it personally. Online dating is a numbers game. You have to go into it knowing that you might have to knock on a few doors before you find what you’re looking for. Initiating contact with people is the first step.
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You have nothing to lose.
How’s your current online dating strategy working out for you? I’m guessing that it might not be working as well as you’d like or else you wouldn’t be reading this article. Trying something new – for example, making the first move – can’t hurt. Yes, sending a message to someone you’ve never spoken to can seem daunting at first, but it gets easier. Send messages. Send lots of messages. Think about it: you literally have nothing to lose. You might even meet someone you really click with. So, what are you waiting for? It’s time to get writing!
