We all have flaws.

Here are a few of mine:

I can be really bossy. I’m in my 30’s and don’t have a driver’s license. I have fine lines around my eyes and my hair’s going grey and I have to dye my roots on a regular basis. I also have a lot of quirky, geeky hobbies that may repel some people.

But, flip those flaws around and they actually don’t sound too bad. The fact that I can be bossy means that I know how to take charge of situations (I’m awesome in a crisis). I don’t drive, but I do bike and walk everywhere which means that I’m healthy and in pretty great shape. The fine lines around my eyes are from smiling a lot (never a bad thing). I can always dye my hair until I decide I don’t want to anymore. As for my nerdy hobbies, I think they’re actually pretty freaking cool and I know that the right person is going to feel the same way.

See how quickly things can change if you just switch up your perspective?

When it comes to dating I’m all about embracing my flaws. Here’s why –

1. Everyone you date is flawed too.

“Perfection” doesn’t exist. In fact, everyone you meet online has their own flaws whether they’re aware of them or not. In fact, there’s a good chance that they have a similar list of things that they feel a bit insecure about because they are human beings. It’s completely natural to feel a bit insecure about some aspect of yourself, but that doesn’t mean you have to let it hold you back. You are perfectly imperfect in your own way. Instead of trying to change yourself, embrace your flaws. When you become comfortable with yourself in this way you’ll attract people who see your perceived “flaws” as assets.

2. It’s time to stop drinking the Koolaid.

Have you ever given some thought to why you feel you have the “flaws” you do? We live in a culture where we’re constantly encouraged to fix or change ourselves so we can be smarter/sexier/richer/have different shaped bodies. The end game of these messages is to sell more products. That’s it. Yes, we all have flaws, but there’s nothing inherently wrong with you that needs fixing. You deserve love right now, exactly how you are. Recognizing and reminding yourself of this will help your dating life tremendously.

3. Dating is a bit like high school.

Whenever I felt insecure or unsure growing up, my Mom used to tell me, “don’t worry. Everyone else is so busy feeling exactly the same way that they won’t even notice.” The same is true with dating. More often than not, we’re so worried about ourselves that we don’t notice that thing that our date is insecure about. Keep in mind- if the other person notices one of your flaws and doesn’t like it – that’s on them. They’re clearly not for you. You’re not looking to be liked and loved by everyone – just one special person.

4. Self-awareness is sexy.

Being aware of what you can and can’t change about yourself is an important part of self-acceptance. For example, I can dye my hair but I can’t change my personality. Being aware of who you are and embracing it wholeheartedly is very powerful. The confidence that comes from self-acceptance will draw people into your orbit. Promise.

5. You want someone who loves you, not simply “tolerates” you.

As mentioned above, dating isn’t a popularity game. You don’t need everyone to love or even like you – just one person. You want someone who doesn’t just tolerate your flaws but embraces them like you have done on your own. In other words, you want someone who loves you for who you really are, not who you might be. Finding this person starts by accepting these things within yourself.

6. If someone is scared off by your flaws they’re not the right person for you.

The bi-product of embracing your flaws is that you now have a litmus test for potential partners. Don’t like my wide hips and bizarro lucky troll collection? Keep walking! You’re looking for that special someone who thinks those hips are utterly irresistible and that troll collection charmingly weird. Don’t settle for anything less.