As Benjamin Franklin once said, “nothing ventured, nothing gained.” While I’m pretty sure that old Ben wasn’t talking about online dating, the quote is very relevant to our love lives. When it comes to online dating – or any kind of dating, for that matter – you get what you put into it. You can’t expect to get something for nothing. Worthwhile endeavours require effort and often involve some modicum of risk.

The problem is that when people see the word “risk” they often equate it with “bad” or “scary.” However, this isn’t always the case. There are good risks and bad risks when it comes to dating. Bad risk: meeting someone you met online at an abandoned railyard at 1am. Good risk: making yourself emotionally available to someone new. While “good” risks can definitely still feel scary, they are necessary if you’re going to eventually meet the right person.

Don’t believe me? Here’s a few of the risks you need to take in order to meet the right person.

1. Try online dating.

Yes, signing up for an online dating website(s) is a risk in and of itself, but like the “good” risks I’m going discuss, it’s worthwhile. It used to be easy to dismiss online dating as something reserved for the weird, desperate and lonely. But now, it’s the norm. With mobile dating apps, you can now connect with thousands of other singles from all over the world, all with the tap of your thumb. In order for that to happen though, you first need to put yourself out there.

Make that online dating profile. Send that first message. Sure, you may get rejected or things might not work out on the first try, but keep in mind that finding the right person isn’t a sprint, it’s a marathon. You need to stay in the game to win. That’s not going to happen if you’re hanging out on the sidelines, not taking any kind of action.

2. Make the first move.

Heck, make any kind of move (as long as you’re being polite and respectful.) If you see someone that interests you online, don’t wait around for them to message you first. Whether it’s sending that first message or suggesting that coffee date, take initiative. As mentioned above, the only way to make progress on meeting the right person is by taking action. Once again, this is a risk but a good one.

Besides, what’s the alternative? Staying in your shell and missing out on the possibility of getting to know someone really great?! My point exactly. This is a risk that’s not only worthwhile but one that you’ll proud you took (even if it doesn’t lead to happily ever after.)

3. Open yourself up emotionally.

Of all the risks we take when dating, I think this one is the scariest. Because dating involves the potential for rejection, our first impulse is to go into protective mode. While it’s very important to maintain a sense of boundaries and self-preservation while dating, if you’ve been hurt before it’s easy to swing to the other extreme. Afterall, if you don’t open yourself emotionally to anyone, you won’t get hurt – right? Well, yes and no. You might not get hurt, but you also won’t make a real, lasting connection with anyone. Why? Because those kinds of connections are based on vulnerability.

You can’t expect to develop a happy, healthy, long-term relationship with someone if you don’t make yourself vulnerable. It’s a scary risk, but the payoff is worth it when you meet the right person.

4. Being open to getting hurt.

No one enjoys hurt and rejection. However, after my last breakup there was a moment that I actually felt…grateful. Yes, you read that right. The uncomfortable, sad feelings stemming from the split was proof that I had taken a risk and put myself out there. I’d met someone and instead of pushing them away like I may have in the past, I’d let them in. While the relationship didn’t work out in the long-term, it’s comforting to know that I gave it my best shot. In other words, I’m glad that I took the risk and opened myself up to the potential of getting hurt. Rejection is always going to be there; so we can either avoid it (and not date) or be brave, acknowledge it and keep moving forward.

5. Speaking up for what you truly want and need.

One of the most challenging but rewarding risks is the one that we take when we own up to what we truly want and need out of our relationships. This could be anything from making the decision to be brutally honest on your online dating profile, to finally having the courage to tell the person you’re kind-of-sorta-dating, “Hey, I’m tired of being in an almost relationship with you.” There’s always going to be chance that other people aren’t going to be into what you want and need, but that’s not important. At the end of the day you’re not looking to attract everyone, just one special person who totally gets you.