I’ll admit it – when it comes to online dating and “swiping right or left” on potential matches, I tend to get a little trigger happy and I know I’m not the only one. I liken this phenomena to the gamification of online dating. Thanks to mobile dating apps, online dating feels less serious and more like a fun past time, perfect for killing some time between TV episodes or while you’re waiting in line at the DMV. It’s really easy to get carried away.

Humans are a tactile bunch and expressing your (possible) interest in someone through a quick finger tap or swipe is – let’s face it – fun and kind of addicting. The end result of all this tapping and swiping is that you get matched with a bunch of people, many of which you will likely never contact for a variety of reasons.

I know what you’re thinking – “that’s so rude!” or “why would you like someone if you didn’t want to talk to them?” Good question. The truth is actually more complicated than you think (or not, depending on how you look at it.)

Here’s 4 brutally honest reasons why someone will get matched with you and then never contact you.

1. We were blinded by “swipe goggles.”

If I’m being perfectly honest, the scene usually plays out like this: I’m sitting at home with Mad Men on Netflix and a glass of Pinot Grigio in one hand a cheese plate in the other, feeling so optimistic about life that I decide to go on a “liking” spree. Without giving it too much thought, I keep swiping and “like” any guy that seems like he could be remotely attractive in real life. However, as the wine starts to wear off and I slowly slip into a cheese coma, I come to the sobering conclusion that, “Oh my god. Now I have to actually talk to all these people?!”

I liken this kind of behavior to the dating equivalent of biting off more than you can chew. It’s like going to a buffet of singles, piling your plate sky high with every possible thing under the sun and then realizing after the fact that there’s no way you’ll ever be able to get to everything you’ve chosen. Instead, most of us will decide to focus on one or two things that we know we’ll enjoy right away, leaving the rest for later. Mobile dating apps are set up to encourage this kind of over consumption. It’s nothing personal. In other words, don’t hate the player, hate the game.

2. We are literally too busy to get in touch –

Here’s something else that I often do: I’ll “like” a couple of different people online, tell myself that I’m definitely going to contact them over the next few days and then BAM life throws me a curveball and I suddenly become ridiculously busy with work or family demands. When this happens, online dating usually gets put on the back burner.

It’s not that I’m trying to snub you. Online dating takes time. Personally, I find it really annoying when someone contacts you and then makes no effort to actually schedule a date. Instead of making a half assed attempt to get to know you, I’d rather wait and contact you in the future when I actually have the time to do it properly.

3. We experience immediate “buyer’s remorse.”

Maybe you look super hot in your first photo, however upon closer inspection of your profile we see that you list in your interests “collecting beanie babies” and “hunting and killing stuff” – cue photos two through four of you standing next to a variety of different animal carcasses. Hey, I’m sure you’re exactly someone’s type – you’re just not mine.

Mobile dating apps encourage us to make snap judgements that are usually based on very little info aside from a photo of the other person. Think of it as the dating equivalent of making an impulse purchase: you walk into a store, buy a pair of shorts with a super fun print on them, only to get home and realize that you’ll probably never wear them. Whether it’s shopping at GAP’s 40% off sale or swiping through online dating profiles – these kinds of errors in judgement happen to the best of us.

4. We like having you “on reserve” –

Of all the reasons why I wouldn’t contact someone, this is probably the jerkiest of them all. Remember back in the day when you’d go out to a bar with your friends and you’d all see who could collect the most phone-numbers? It’s likely that you’d never call any of these people, but it was nice knowing that you could. Mobile dating apps work the same way by providing you with a similar sought after ego boost and feeling of possibility. We’re not going to message you today, tomorrow (or possibly ever) but it’s nice to know that we’ve “still got it” and that we can, maybe, someday.