Online dating is a balancing act. You want to make yourself available and reveal just enough information online to attract potential matches, without over-sharing or compromising your privacy. One of the most common pieces of dating advice out there is that you should “always leave a little bit to the imagination.” However, in the day and age of online dating, smartphones and social media, playing hard to get is easier said than done. We’re encouraged on a daily basis to share and connect constantly, to the point where it’s having a negative impact on our love lives. Don’t believe me?

Here’s a few ways that making yourself overly available online might be killing your dating mojo (and how to fix it!)

1. You answer all your messages instantly, all the time –

Ok, first of all – major props for efficiency, my friend! Although it would seem that answering all of your online dating messages as soon as you receive them would help win over potential dates, the opposite is actually true. Just because someone messages you or initiates a chat session doesn’t mean that you have to reply instantly. It’s OK to wait a few hours to a day (my rule of thumb: 12-24 hours is a totally legit amount of time to return a message.)

Responding to every message as soon as you receive it not only is a) exhausting (ain’t nobody got time for that!), it also sets a precedent: that you’ll always be available, all the time – hence, attracting people who expect that kind of instant correspondence (which trust me, isn’t healthy.) You wouldn’t want to date someone who was always waiting by their phone to hear from you, right? Instead, you want to be with someone who has their own life. So, start acting like the kind of person you’d want to date and cut this out now.

2. There are too many ways to reach you –

Hey, remember back in the day when people would actually call each other and you had to actually, you know, wait for those calls? I know – it’s almost impossible to remember what this was like because now there’s a million ways to get in touch. Although this is convenient, it’s killed a bit of the mystery that used to accompany dating. If I’m able to reach someone by phone, online dating message, text, email, g-chat, facebook messenger and twitter I don’t even know where to start. If I know that I can reach someone 24/7 on a dozen different platforms, it makes contacting them feel less special. You don’t have to give someone a million different ways to contact you to show that you’re interested in them. Instead, stick to the one or two modes of communication that you’re most comfortable with.

3. You routinely accept last minute dates –

The consequence of being able to be reached all the time, any time, is that you make yourself available to accept last minute plans. Although I’m not opposed to accepting last minute dates (after all, spontaneity is fun!), continually making yourself open to last minute plans and schedule changes lets the other person know that you lack boundaries when it comes to your personal time. I’m not suggesting that you reject last minute dates arbitrarily if you want to hang out with that person – that’s just silly. Although last minute dates are great for keeping things interesting, if someone is serious about dating you long-term, they’ll also make set plans to see you and stick to those plans.

4. You’re handing over your social media profiles too soon –

Just because you’ve gone on a few a dates or are planning to, doesn’t mean you have to hand over all of your social profiles to the other person – in fact, it’s better if you don’t. It’s bad enough that someone could potentially google you. They don’t need access to your Instagram, Facebook, Snapchat, Google + page, Pinterest and all of your Yelp reviews (no matter how awesome they are.) It’s just way too much information – trust me. This reasoning is based on a few things:

First of all, safety. Most of us don’t realize how much we share about ourselves online without even realizing it. Through our oh-so-moody Instagrams at our favourite coffee shop to those #InItToGymIt selfies of us flexing at our local gym, we let the world know where we go and what we do. If you don’t really know someone, letting them in on this kind of info could be a potential safety risk.

Secondly, how we present ourselves on social media isn’t always an accurate portrayal of who we are as complete people. For example, as someone who uses social media extensively, different platforms tend to bring out different aspects of my personality. On Instagram I’m cheerful and whimsical (and post a lot of photos of cats). On Twitter I’m sassy and a bit sarcastic. My Pinterest shows that I’m clearly obsessed with Givenchy handbags and flamingos… and so on. And yet, taken as a whole none of these social media channels represent the entirety of who I am. They do, however, show aspects of my personality which, taken ad hoc could lead to some damaging  preconceived notions about what I’m all about (no, I’m not a designer label obsessed, cat-lady. Promise.) I prefer people to get to know me the old fashioned way: in person – and suggest you do the same. Why? Because a little bit of mystery is sexy.