“What are women really thinking on a first date?” This is a question that men have likely been asking ever since the first time one of them asked a woman to join him for an evening by the old cave fire.
The truth is: a lot of things. On a first date, there are a million things running through our brains. We’re trying to gauge whether you’re the right guy for us while simultaneously worrying about whether our skirt will awkwardly ride up when we get up to go use the restroom.
So, if you find yourself on a date with a lovely woman, here’s a few things she’s probably thinking about while you’re getting to know each other. Some of them may surprise you!
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Are you a D-Bag?
I know this seems blunt, but one of the main things we’re thinking about on a first date is whether you’re a jerk and hence, worth our time. Are you arrogant? Selfish? Rude? Come across as a player? These are things that we’re paying attention to (among many, many other cues.) One of the easiest ways to tell whether a guy is a d-bag is by how he talks about other women. If you tell us stories about that “hot chick you totally hooked up with while on vacation” or refer to your ex as “crazy” and “a total bitch” (or worse), we’re going to assume that you’re a jerk who will likely speak about us the same way. In other words, not someone we’re looking to date!
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“Don’t talk about your ex! Don’t talk about your ex! Do. Not. Talk. About. Your. Ex.”
I spent the majority of my twenties and part of my thirties with the same man. It’s really hard to not mention him when it comes to anything that’s happened in the past decade. Although we’ve been broken up for a few years and we’ve both moved on, I still try and make a conscious effort to not mention him on a first date. No one wants to hear about their date’s ex. However, occasionally it will come up. If your date happens to mention her ex in passing, cut her some slack. We all have pasts. If she’s anything like me she’s trying really hard not to bring it up!
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Do you smell good?
And no, I’m not referring to that bottle of Axe body spray you doused yourself in before meeting up (that stuff is all good for no one.) Attraction is directly linked to smell. Those mysterious invisible chemicals called pheromones that we all release can indicate to another person whether they’re attracted to you. If a guy smells good (clean, neutral with just a hint of scent – I love the smell of clean laundry!) I’m that much more likely to be attracted to him than a guy who may be handsome, but not smell as appealing to me.
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“I can’t wait to take off these Spanx!” (and no, not in a sexual way) –
Ah yes, Spanx – the ubiquitous shaping undergarments that many women wear when we want to look extra sleek under our clothing. Although these binding underwear are often a life saver when it comes to looking our best, sometimes they’re not always the most comfortable. I learned this when I decided to wear my first pair of Spanx under a dress this past holiday season and experienced acute pinching and chafing. Long story short: if you see us awkwardly shifting in our seat – it’s not you, it’s the Spanx. Even the most confident and self assured ladies can get a little neurotic about their first date appearance. The best way to combat this? Tell her she looks amazing.
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Do you seem happy? Can I see you fitting into my current life?
This is a big one. Although I don’t immediately assess a new guy as potential “husband material” I am interested in finding out if your values match my own and whether we’d fit into each other’s lives. A lot of this comes down to how you approach life. I’m less interested in what kind of car you drive or how much money you make. Instead, I’m looking for indicators that you’re happy in your life. Want a really easy way to turn someone off? Spend the whole date complaining about your crappy job that you hate, your depressing friends and all of your romantic failures. Like many women, I’m looking for a guy who enjoys life. Instead of focusing on the negative, draw her in by sharing the things you’re passionate about and how you could potentially fit into each other’s lives.
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Do I feel safe with this person?
As women we need to feel safe and comfortable with the person we’re dating. When we’re on a date we’re trying to take stock of what you say and do, and how it makes us feel. For example, I went on a date with a guy who confessed that he “sometimes has anger problems” but “never gets violent.” Although I appreciated his honesty, this was enough to make me feel not 100% safe with him. So how do you make your date feel comfortable? For starters, actively listen to her, ask her questions, be polite, be respectful, request her permission before you touch her and avoid mentioning your collection of Samurai swords (or don’t. The next move will be hers.)
