Don’t get me wrong – I love a good romantic comedy. It’s fun to get whisked away for 90 minutes and indulge in a super cute romance that all ties up perfectly by the time the credits roll. But, as much as I enjoy watching fictional characters fall in love onscreen, I’m not above admitting that there are a lot of things that most Hollywood romantic comedies get wrong about modern dating. Rom-coms are great for a couple hours of escapism, but they are not real life.

Don’t believe me? Here are a few things that rom-coms totally get wrong about online dating.

1. There’s someone out there who’s going to “rescue” you.

Uh, no. Contrary to what movies like Pretty Woman might lead you to believe, some random rich dude isn’t going to come along and rescue you from your life. Although Julia Robert’s character seems to be holding her own (in shiny patent leather boots no less) before Richard Gere arrives on the scene, by the end of the film the message is clear: she no longer has to turn tricks because her Prince Charming has arrived! While the film-makers manage to spin a charming love story out of a very implausible situation (a kind millionaire devoid of psychological quirks hits up Hollywood Boulevard to help sex workers better their social and financial standing? Um, also no), the movie sends a dangerous message: that if we wait around long enough someone will rescue us too.

But, here’s the thing: if you want to change your life, you actually need to change. Your. Life. Looking for someone online to “save you” or procrastinating on your own goals because you think someone is going to come along and meet them for you is just a recipe for disaster. The only person who can change your life is you.

2. You can change people.

That guy who is a total jerk now? Yeah, underneath his jerky exterior is a sensitive guy just waiting to love you. If you stick around through enough plot twists, eventually he’ll come to his senses (and your doorstep) and proclaim his feelings! Uh, nope.  The fact that jerky people change into the perfect partner is another huge rom-com myth. I’m not saying that people aren’t capable of change. But, these things take time. That guy or girl who is a jerk right now might in time, grow up, get their head straight and start treating people with respect but, that could take years. In the meantime, you’re missing out on dating people who can treat you well right now. I’m a firm believer in “if it walks like a jerk, talks like a jerk, then honey, you’re dealing with a jerk.” Instead of waiting around for someone to change, take people’s behavior at face value – or, as the amazing Maya Angelou said, “When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.”

3. Putting someone through a bizarre series of tests is the way to find true love.

Also, a giant no. Although it worked for Kate Hudson and Matthew McConaughey in How To Lose a Guy in 10 Days, creating a series of “tests” (even if it’s for a work assignment) is just bad form. Although McConaughey’s character lapped it up in the film (mostly because he was also required to for his job), this kind of behavior is pretty much guaranteed to drive most people away. While it does take a while for trust to be earned on both sides of a relationship, expecting someone to jump through a series of hoops just to date you is not only unrealistic, it’s also kind of selfish and immature. So, if you have the urge to test the person you’re dating, just don’t. Let them show you who they are on their own.

4. Grand gestures are the only way to show someone you care.

If want to show the person you’ve met online that you have feelings for them you need to do something “big” like organize a flashmob in their honour (Friends with Benefits), show up under their window at night with a boombox in hand and blast Peter Gabriel (Say Anything) or serenade them with a marching band (10 Things I Hate About You). No. Just, no. Although these make for memorable movie scenes, these kinds of grand gestures would more than likely come off as pretty creepy in real life. I think I speak for most women when I say that showing up with a bottle of wine and some Chipotle after a long day is grand gesture enough. Just make sure you don’t skimp on the guacamole.

5. Bigger drama means bigger romantic payoff.

The more drama and obstacles in a relationship, the bigger the emotional payoff when you finally do get together and stay together. Right? We’re always so relieved and happy when people in romantic comedies finally get their act together – I mean, they went through so much to get there! But, in real life drama is just that – drama – and usually dramatic relationships stay dramatic…. and unhappy. A relationship devoid of drama doesn’t make it any less real than one that’s rife with it.

For example, in the movie Bride Wars, we’re lead to believe that Anne Hathaway’s low-key proposal story signals a less than great relationship. However, in reality I think most people prefer low-key relationships that don’t involve things like tests, games, multiple breakups, mistaken identities, stalking or lies. Just something to consider.