Dating when you’re over the age of 40 is a completely different ballgame than when you were in your 20’s – in the best ways possible! You’re older, wiser and have a way better idea of what you want out of a relationship. Luckily, there’s also online dating sites like OurTime.com which are specifically designed with mature singles in mind.
With that said, if you’ve been out of the dating game for awhile, the possibility of putting yourself back out there can seem really intimidating. Whether you’re new at online dating or are just looking to gain some tips, I’ve turned to some of the industry’s top mature dating experts for their professional insights.
Looking to kick-start your dating life as a mature single? Here’s a few things you need to keep in mind.
- Throw out your old dating rules –
Ladies, it’s time to let go of the notion that you have to wait around for a man to make the first move. Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. As Spira explains, women should take the initiative to contact men first. “With over 40 million singles looking for love online, finding your one in 40 million can seem challenging and overwhelming. Women who have been in long term relationships or a long term marriages are used to waiting for the men to initiate contact. Since men have a wider age range to select from, women need to be proactive with their search. This means logging on frequently, seeing who has viewed your profile, and writing initial emails to men” says Spira. As Spira reminds us, even if you’re a bit nervous about reaching out first, the man will likely be really flattered to receive your message. So, what are you waiting for?
- Avoid common online dating profile mistakes –
If you’re getting back into dating again after a long break and/or trying your hand at online dating for the first time, putting together a profile can seem like a daunting task. Ronnie Joy, The Mid-Life dating Coach, works with mature singles to help them find love. In order to get the most out of online dating, Joy says that it’s important that older singles avoid common profile mistakes. Although it may seem tempting to use that photo of you from 1999 when you had those killer J-Lo style highlights, Joy emphasizes the importance of using current photos. “Honesty is the best policy. Absolutely show photos that are attractive and current and reflect the real you. The primary photo is a headshot – look into the camera and smile! Use no more than 5 photos including a headshot, a full body shot and action shots” says Joy.
Joy is also careful to remind older singles that they should pay attention to their personal safety. “Don’t reveal your real name, workplace, place of worship, hiking or running trail or even your unusual breed of dog! Create a username with your own personal brand, i.e., Red-haired, Adventurous, Chef” advises Joy.
- Don’t limit your dating options –
Although online dating is one of the easiest ways to meet someone, Joy encourages singles that are over 40 to also be open to the idea of meeting people “in the wild” – in other words, offline. Not sure where to meet people in “real life?” Joy has lots of ideas! “Go to your health club at the busiest times of the day to maximize your chances of meeting someone new. Never wear headphones! Buy and eat lunch somewhere in public. Don’t bring reading materials, or look at your smart phone. Be open to catching someone’s eye.Join a Meetup group for singles or in areas of your interest. Go to alumni functions and reunions. Casually mention that you are single and available. When you’re at the train station, airport, grocery store or post office, keep your eyes peeled. Consider all these places an opportunity. Seize the moment by being inquisitive, friendly and approachable.”
Although you may very well still meet someone online, doing these things will not only send the message into the Universe that you’re looking for love, it’s also a great way to build up your confidence and flirting skills – something that will help you in your dating life no matter what!
- Don’t leave family out of the equation –
As Spira explains, many singles over the age of 40 have children or even grandchildren. Therefore it’s important that you discuss your family life with your dates. “Blending families won’t always be an easy task. Decide if an extended family is something you really want in your life and take the time early on when you first start dating to discuss scheduling, holidays, and what family life means to you. Make sure you’re on the same page before you start to become serious” says Spira.
- Discuss finances and retirement goals –
Although these things may not have been dealbreakers in your twenties and early thirties, now that you’re more mature, it’s important that you discuss your finances and retirement goals with a potential partner to make sure that you’re on the same page. As Spira points out, “While you may hope to retire in a beach house one day, your date might have a dream of living in the mountains. Money issues can’t be tossed under the carpet at this point in your life. If your goal is to get married and retire, discussing finances, vacations, and how to save and spend the collective money you have saved for the future.”
