We all have that one friend who seems to have an epic list of dating “rules” that they stubbornly refuse to budge on. For example, they’ll only date people within a certain age range, income bracket or with brown hair and model-like looks. If they don’t have the abs of a fitness model, the cooking skills of Chrissy Teigen and the sex appeal of twenty Magic Mike dancers – well, just forget about it. If/when this paragon of virtue, dream lover ever shows up, they absolutely will not text them first. Because, rules. Consequently, they are perpetually single.
While there’s something to be said about knowing what you want, there are certain dating rules we could all afford to let go of.
I used to be one of these people that had very specific superficial attributes I was looking for in a partner. For example, I never gave a second look to blondes and only dated people from within a certain age and ethnic group. However, over the past ten years, I’ve discovered something interesting: what I thought was my “type” all along is actually much more broad and flexible. Some of my most satisfying dating experiences have been with people I never would have given a chance in the past. In this sense, I’m glad I broke my own dating rules, because it opened up a lot of new romantic possibilities.
With that said, there’s a difference between “rules” and “standards.” Rules are meant to be broken. Standards (aka a basic level of self love and respect) are things we should always hold dear and never compromise on.
But, as for those rules, there are only a handful you should always abide by.
- Your time is valuable.
You know what’s a bummer? Time wasters. Whether it’s waiting around for someone else to make the first move or waiting around for your date to actually show up – always remember that your personal time is precious and you should treat it as such. Don’t waste time waiting for someone else to ask you out or text you back. Make the first move. Conversely, if someone doesn’t value your time (for example, they show up for dates late, are always changing plans or seem unable to get back to you in a prompt manner) they aren’t worth your time.
- Don’t date for the sake of dating.
Here’s another thing you shouldn’t waste your time on: going on pointless dates with people you aren’t even interested in just so you don’t have to be alone. It’s not fair to you or the other person. No date? No problem. Fill your time with other activities, hobbies and people you do enjoy spending time with.
- Don’t settle for anything less than respect.
If your date is rude to you, the service staff or anyone period, consider this a major red flag and walk away. Same goes if they berate you for your beliefs, criticize your appearance and do or say things that make you feel uncomfortable. Respect is tantamount to healthy relationships. If your date can’t show respect to you or other people, that’s your cue to exit. Trust me, they’re not going to suddenly become a better person if you date them.
- Don’t go after someone who is already taken.
Remember what I said about wasting your time? Even if the other person seems to be into it, going after someone who is already in a relationship is not only shady as you-know-what, it’s also disrespectful to you, the other person and their partner. Just don’t do it.
- Build your own happy life first.
As soon as I was old enough to have an understanding of romantic relationships, my mom gave me this invaluable piece of advice: “Don’t go looking for the right person to ‘complete you.’ That’s not a thing. Instead, build a happy life for yourself on your own terms, and eventually you’ll attract someone who has done the same for themselves.”
The moral here: like attracts like. If you want to find love, you’ve got to start with loving yourself. A relationship shouldn’t be seen as the ultimate goal, but rather a delicious cherry atop of an already delicious life sundae.
