Here’s the scenario: you’ve been online dating for a while, you’ve messaged a bunch of women, but no one seems to be interested. What’s the deal?
It could be that you’re turning her off before you’ve even got your foot in the door. Off-putting messages, attitude, and more could be ruining your chances, so before you blame online dating itself, we’re here to help you out. Guys: stop doing these 6 things immediately if you want to hear back from your online match.
- Sending generic messages that just say, “Hey” or “Wassup?”
Nothing kills the potential for romance faster than a one word message. If all of your intro messages just say “hey” or some other rudimentary greeting and nothing else, you’re doing this whole “messaging strangers” thing wrong. Women want to see that you’re willing to put in some effort to get to know them and that you’re not just sending the same blanket message to everyone you meet online. This starts by using your words. Say hello and then mention their profile – preferably something that isn’t related to their physical appearance, like, “Hey, I noticed you’re really into Parks and Rec. I just binged watched the entire series.” Bingo.
- Sending the exact same message to 100 different women.
Sure, online dating is a numbers game and involves a lot of trial and error.
But if you’re looking to actually meet someone, identical message barrages aren’t the way to go. Here’s a little secret: we can tell when you’ve sent us a generic message that’s clearly cut and pasted from a million other identical messages that you’ve already sent. It’s a total turnoff. Plus, the online world isn’t as big as you’d like to think. Women talk and share notes. Unless you enjoy being the butt of jokes, don’t be the doofus who sent the same message to a woman, her cousin and her three single best friends. If you were looking for a new job, you wouldn’t send the same cover letter to everyone – you’d tailor it for each individual company. The same philosophy applies to online dating. Make it personal…
- …But not too personal.
“This guy I just met online sent me an overtly sexual message and it totally made me want to talk to him!” said NO WOMAN EVER. Unless you’re on an adult dating site dedicated to hooking up, nothing good can come from getting way too sexual, way too fast online. This not only applies to messages, but also your profile. If you mention or allude to sex in your profile, there’s an extremely high chance that we’ll just pass it over altogether – no matter how attractive you are. As women, we’re constantly aware of and accessing our safety. Nothing says, “potential creepy predator” like a stranger bringing up sex right from the get-go.
- Not taking no for an answer.
I once had a guy send me the same message, “How was your weekend? If you don’t respond, you might wish you had” to me 47 times. I never wrote back once. It was creepy. It was bizarre. It was completely unnecessary. If you message someone once or twice and they don’t write back, leave it at that. For whatever reason, they’re not interested. By not responding, they’re trying to let you down easy. When you don’t get the message and you continue to message us, our creepy weirdo spidey senses start tingling.
- Sending walls of text that are all about you.
At least 20 percent of messages I receive online are lengthy, page long missives that are a combination of stream of consciousness rambling and intimate details about the guy’s hobbies, like their “super awesome scuba diving skills” that they “can’t wait to share with me.” Guys, ain’t nobody got time for that! Whenever I open my inbox and see these kinds of messages, I usually just skim them and delete – especially if the message is all about you (which, 95 percent of the time it is with these kinds of messages). Use your profile page to talk about yourself. When you message someone, make it about them and their interests. Lastly, keep your initial messages to one or two paragraphs comprised of a couple of sentences each. You want the other person to open your message and be able to easily digest the contents. Leave them wanting more! You’ll have plenty of time to delve deep into your personal histories, likes and dislikes on the first date.
6. Acting entitled.
No one is required to respond to you online. I’m of the school of thought that it’s better to politely ignore a message than to write back only to reject someone. As mentioned above, if you don’t hear back from someone just make like John Lennon and let it be. Going on the offensive and insulting the person on the other end is bad online dating etiquette and a surefire way to score instant creep points.
Keep these tips in mind as you start contacting your matches. They’ll appreciate the sincerity and are way more likely to respond when you show some interest.
If you’re not dating online yet, it’s never too late to try. Check out our Top 5 Online Dating Site Picks of 2017 and see who might be waiting for you.
