We’ve all had those moments in our dating careers where we’ve thrown our hands up, waved the white flag and declared, “Ugh, dating is terrible!” This is a total normal, healthy reaction because – let’s be real- dating can be really hard. Between trying to meet a person you connect with to dealing with the insecurities and potential for rejection that comes along with that – finding love is no easy feat.

It’s totally unrealistic to think that dating is going to be all sunshines and rainbows, all the time. However, if you find that you’re becoming increasingly cynical when it comes to your love life , you might be unintentionally poisoning your dating future. If you’re constantly telling people about how much “dating sucks” and you dread going on dates because “everyone is terrible” and “it’s probably going to fail anyways;” you’re shooting your love life in the foot, before it’s been given a chance to flourish.

If you feel like you’re stuck in a negative dating spiral, it’s worth pressing “pause” and taking some time to figure out why you’re unhappy with dating in the first place. Whether it’s a broken heart, fear of rejection or the fact that you seem to keep dating the same kinds of people over and over again, figure out a way to address and work through these feelings. Hanging on to negativity will only hurt your dating life and here’s why:

1. You’re creating a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Have you noticed that the more negative you feel about dating, the more it sucks? That’s because your thoughts become things. In this case, that “thing” is an unsatisfying dating life. Real talk: not every date you go on is going to be fantastic. You’re going to go on good dates, terrible dates and lots of dates that are just OK. However, if you only focus on the negative aspects of dating, that negativity is going to spill into love life and cast a shadow on potentially good situations. If you already think something is going to be a terrible failure – guess what, it will be. It’s called self-sabotage and you need to stop it.

2. No one gets it right the first time.

Well, except maybe that happy couple on Facebook that have been together since high school, but they’re an anomaly. Most of us have to date a lot of people before we meet someone that we can envision a future with. So, if you haven’t met them yet, don’t let this drag you down. While it’s not realistic (or healthy) to believe in a fairytale version of love where this one special person will “rescue you” and you’ll live happily ever after (because life just doesn’t work like that), keeping an open-mind and some optimism on hand will ensure you’re in a good space mentally when someone really special does come along.

3. Bitter and jaded isn’t a good look.

If you’ve ever gone on a date with someone who is bitter about dating, you’ll know. Why? Because it’s kind of awful. Whether they’re overtly negative (Ie. they trash talk their ex and/or  talk about how much “dating blows”) or they’re just a tad too cynical (“most women/men just don’t like me” and/or “I have the worst luck dating, period”) it’s an all around uncomfortable experience. First dates should be all about newness and possibility, not rehashing past wounds and strifes. Even if they’re subtly knocking themselves down, if someone seems to be in a negative place, it’s a huge turnoff.

4. Negativity attracts negativity.

Like attracts like. If you’ve got a negative attitude, the people you are going to attract are also going to be coming from a negative space. For example, the bitter, the jaded, the drama kings/queens and the commitment-a-phobes. If you’re tired of dating these kinds of people, it might be time for an attitude adjustment.

5. You’re not destined to repeat the same mistakes.

Got a penchant for dating unemployed musicians that always seem to ghost you when they go on tour? How’s that working out for you? I’m going to guess, not very well. Here’s the thing: just because you’re attracted to a certain kind of person doesn’t mean that they’re good for you or that you necessarily have to date them. You have the power here and can always make a different choice.

6. Everyone struggles with these things.

You’re not alone. We’ve all been there. Many times. Instead of letting yourself stew in negativity, find a group of friends that you can turn to when you need to blow off steam and laugh with about the absurdity of modern dating.

7. You don’t want to miss out.

Although I firmly believe that we meet the right people exactly when we need to meet them, when you’re cloaked in negativity it makes it so much harder for you to connect with the legitimately good people that are out there. Life is short. Don’t let negativity hold you back from meeting the right person.