There is no greater silence than waiting to receive a response from someone you’ve just messaged. While online dating is ridiculously convenient in many ways, it still involves an unpredictable wild card: actual humans. Although it would be great if the people we were interested in always messaged us back immediately, this simply isn’t realistic (or healthy) to expect. People have lives. We can’t expect them to be tied to their phones 24/7 and/or drop everything to get back to us. With that said, when you like someone, waiting to hear from them can feel excruciating.
Instead of driving yourself crazy, here are a few productive, healthy things you can do while you’re waiting for that coveted response.
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Relish in the excitement.
Congrats! You’ve actually found someone that you’re interested in. Unless you’re the kind of person who is always falling “in like” with everyone, finding someone that actually makes you excited is kind of rare. Instead of thinking “what if?” and replaying in your head all kinds of worse case scenarios; embrace this feeling of uncertainty for what it is. Those nervous butterflies are kind of what makes dating so fun and exciting. Relish in them.
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Talk to someone about how you’re feeling.
One of the first things they teach you about public speaking is that admitting you’re nervous actually helps you feel less nervous. The same applies to dating. If waiting for someone to message you back is making you feel like your heart is going to pop out of your chest, talk to a friend. Have a conversation with them and share that, “hey, I’m really excited to date this person and waiting for them to message me back is killing me.” We’ve all been there and can sympathize. Talking with a friend and commiserating over the agony that is waiting for someone’s message is a great way to lighten the mood and make you feel better about your current situation.
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Log-off of social media and resist the urge to e-stalk.
Unless it’s social media where you’re guaranteed not going to stumble across their photos, videos and posts. For example, maybe Pinterest is a safe and calming place for you. If pinning photos of rustic cabins calms your nerves and makes you feel like you’re “doing you” – go for it. Just resist the urge to e-stalk your love interest. Analyzing each and every line of their LinkedIn profile, pouring over photos of their family reunion or discovering that they once played t-ball in 1983 isn’t going to make them message you back any quicker. Trust.
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Catch up with some friends or family that you haven’t seen in awhile.
While you’re waiting for that oh-so-attractive-and-intriguing person to get back to you, pause for a moment and take stock of the people who already are in your life. Have you texted your best friends lately? When was the last time you went for coffee with that dope work colleague? Are you long overdue for a lunch date with your Aunt Gladys? Reach out and schedule that stuff (heck, you might even be able to combine #4 and #2.) Trust that dating will come together for you when you’re out living your life.
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Allow yourself to have all the feelings.
Have a little chat with yourself. What is it about this situation that is making you anxious? Are you scared that this person might not like you? Has rejection been an issue in past relationships? Are you just feeling sad and exhausted by dating in general? Do you really care about this person or do you just need validation that you’re desired? Or maybe you’re just freaking excited to hear from them and see where it goes. Whatever you’re feeling, there are no wrong answers. Dating is all about getting comfortable with the uncomfortable, but in order to do this you first need to understand why you feel the way you do. Acknowledge how you feel and move on with your day.
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Do you.
There’s nothing worse than waiting by the phone or computer for someone to get back to you – so don’t. While you’re waiting to hear from this person, get out there and live your life. Meet up with friends. Message other people online that seem potentially interesting. Maybe even go on a few dates to see what else is out there. Just because someone has hit “pause” on contacting you, doesn’t mean you have to hit pause on living your life.
