Whenever I tell anyone that my parents are separated, their first question is usually, “So, is your Mom dating anyone?” I usually reply by explaining to them that my Mom is “happily single” and not really looking. This line of questioning usually doesn’t come from guys interested in dating her (although, I should add my Mom is a very attractive, interesting, vivacious woman in her sixties), but rather concerned friends and acquaintances of mine.
We live in a culture where the expectation is that people should be coupled up and that everyone (whether they admit to it or not) is looking for love. However, as my Mom often explains, she was married for close to three decades and now she’s happy to just have some time by herself. Although I completely respect my Mom’s wishes and prefer not to buy into what pop culture suggests will make her happy, I would really like it if my Mom met someone she was interested in dating. If anything, it would just be nice to know she had someone she could go for dinner and a movie with – other than my sister and I.
At first I thought the solution to finding my Mom a date would be to do a classic set-up. My Mom is a artist and designer, so this fall I took it upon myself to help her sell some of her wares at our local flea market. I’d heard about the event through one of my Mom’s friends who organizes it. She suggested it would be a great place for my Mom to meet fellow creative types and as she not so subtly suggested, men her age. When we arrived at the venue wares in hand, my Mom’s friend pulled me aside to let me know, “I put your table next to Josh’s. Your Mom will like him, he’s single too.” Throughout the day I saw my Mom and Josh talking and hitting it off. Hey, this might work afterall! However, as it turned out, Josh – a silver haired man in his 70’s – had other plans. When it came time to pack up, he passed my Mom his phone number, adding “Let your daughter know to call me if she’s up for a good time.” I’m in my early 30’s. If you’re currently throwing up in your mouth a bit, you’re not the only one.
However, as it turns out I’m not the only person out there who is keen to set up their single parents. Dubbed “Wing Kids”, there is now a whole generation of digital daters who
are hoping to get their parents to try online dating – and who are going to great lengths to make it happen. A well known matchmaking site recently revealed that they have noticed a 68% increase in the number of sons and daughters writing profiles for their Moms in the few weeks leading up to Mother’s Day. What’s even more interesting is that 61% of Single Moms they surveyed said that they would be happy to have their children write their online dating profiles and suggest dates for them.
If you’re hoping to make a name for yourself as a Wing-Kid Extraordinaire, here are a few key things to keep in mind –
1. Be positive about online dating – In other words, do as I say not what I do. I have this really bad habit of sharing with Mom all of my hilarious online dating fails, to the point where I’m pretty sure my Mom is convinced the online dating world is filled with freaks, criminals and perverts. However, as we all know, that’s far from the truth. Like anywhere on this earth, you’re bound to meet a few odd people online. However, there are also tons of amazing people that can be found online if you open your eyes. In fact, most of the happy couples I know met via online dating sites. Therefore, if you’d like to get your parent on board with online dating you need to change the soundtrack you’re broadcasting to them. Instead of sharing with your Mom the gory details of that guy you went out with last night who insisted on talking about his taxidermy hobby over burgers and beers, casually remind your parent about love stories that have happened because of the internet. If they are exposed to more positive feedback than negative, they are much more likely to be receptive to your efforts.
2. Start slow – Keep in mind that although your Mom or Dad likely use the internet on a regular basis, it may not be integrated into their daily lives in the same way that it is for you. Therefore, it’s really important that you don’t bombard them with a bunch of new info, scaring them off in the process. Also, even if you’re tempted to do so, it’s best not to set up an online dating profile for your parent without their knowledge. This will likely also make them feel uncomfortable and like their trust has been violated. Instead, start with baby steps. Sit your Mom or Dad down in front of the computer and show them what online dating actually looks like. Once they are able to see what all the fuss is about, they’ll feel more comfortable with the idea and will be less likely to dismiss it just on the basis that it’s something new and unfamiliar.
3. Introduce them to sites that cater to their needs – Whether you’re looking for someone to reenact your vampire fantasies with or am hoping to meet a fellow tattooed, fitness addict – we’re living in the day and age where you can literally find the perfect niche dating site for your interests or demographic. Let your parents know that there are dating sites like OurTime.com which are geared specifically to mature daters like themselves. Knowing that they’ll be in the company of other people in a similar age bracket and life situation will hopefully allow them to feel more comfortable with the idea of online dating and maybe, just maybe, eventually get them excited to meeting someone new!
At the end of the day, we all want our parents to be happy. So, when it comes to being an excellent Wing-Kid, the cardinal rule is to not push too hard. Venturing back into the dating world is likely a huge change for your parent. Change can be scary, so allow them to take things at their own pace. You learned from example by watching your parents, so allow them to do the same with you: be open, be patient and most of all be supportive of their choices.
