The holidays are here. The air outside is crisp and a ham is on the horizon. This is the perfect time to kick your dating life up a notch and invite that special someone to be your date for the holidays… Right? Well, not exactly.
If you’re considering bringing a date home, you might want to slow your roll and press pause before you ask that delightful person you met online to partake in turkey, football and your relative’s probing questions about your relationship status. Meeting the family is kind of a big deal and means different things to different people.
Thinking of bringing a date home for the holidays? Here are a few questions you need to ask yourself.
1. How long have you known this person?
Have you been dating for a few months or a few days? If you literally just matched with them online 48 hours ago, it’s probably way too soon to ask someone to be your date this holiday season. Why? Because asking someone to spend a holiday with you presumes a kind of intimacy that just isn’t there yet. Even if your date is into the idea, do you really want to subject them to your family and vice versa, before you’ve had a chance to really get to know each other one-on-one? But if you’ve been dating for a while and have a good grasp on who you each are as people, feel free to ask. The worst they can say is no.
2. Have you determined the relationship?
Yes, that’s right — before you ask the person you’re dating to eat ham with you and your Great Aunt Elma, you need to have the DTR-talk. Are you exclusive? Are you still dating other people? Even if you’ve agreed to keep things casual, it’s important to make sure you’re both on the same page about your relationship status before you throw your family’s sweet potato casserole into the mix.
3. Have they already met your family?
As mentioned above, meeting the family is a big deal for some people and it’s a sign that the relationship is moving in a serious direction. However, for other people – not so much.
Personally speaking, I’ve always been super casual about introducing partners to my relatives. My family is super laid back and they’re always around, so if we’re dating it’s almost inevitable that you’re going to meet them. Because of this, I always like to explain this to the people I’m dating: meeting my family isn’t a big deal. If anything, it just means that I don’t think you’re a weirdo.
However, for other people, introducing someone to their family is a step toward the altar. If your date has already met your family and everything was chill, then by all means, invite them to the holiday gathering. However, if that isn’t the case, you’re going to want to test the waters first and see how they feel about parental meetings (and what this step could possibly mean).
4. Is there anything about meeting your family that might trigger negative feelings or make them uncomfortable?
It’s time to take a very honest look at both your family dynamic and the person you’re planning to introduce to them. The last thing you want is for your date to feel uncomfortable. Is your date a visible minority and your Uncle Arlo has a habit of telling racist jokes over dinner? Does your Aunt Gladys have this “weird little quirk” where she asks super personal questions to every new person she meets? While these things might not be deal-breakers in the long run, if you foresee any potential issues or awkward moments, it’s best to be transparent with your date, so they can make an informed decision about coming to your family’s gathering.
5. Why do you want them to come as your date?
I know what you thinking. “Because we’re dating. Duh!” But take a moment to really consider this question. Do you want them to come to the holiday meal with you because they’re awesome and you think you’d have a lot of fun together or are you only inviting them to prove a point to your Aunt Gladys, that no, you won’t be single forever? It’s OK if it’s a bit from column A and B. Just make sure that your heart is in the right place.
