Think you know everything about dating? Think again! From dating to serious relationships, learning to be with other people is a lifelong process. OurTime.com is home to one of the largest user bases of 50+ singles. Although you may still be in your 20’s, 30’s or 40’s, there’s a lot all of us can learn from more mature daters who have “been there and done that.”

Here’s a few tips from mature daters that we can all apply to our dating lives:

1. Learn from your experiences –

Dating can be really frustrating when it doesn’t go the way you planned. However, if mature daters can teach us anything it’s that finding the right person often takes a lot of trial and error. So instead of beating yourself up over your past mistakes, learn from them. When a relationship doesn’t work out or you find yourself on a bad date, try and “pull out the learning” from the situation. What didn’t work? What role did you play in the fallout of this relationship? What exactly made this a bad date? By asking yourself these questions you’ll gain a better idea of what you’re looking for in the future. For example, maybe you’ll figure out that you’re just not a good match with certain personality types or that what you thought you were looking for (a casual dating situation) is out of line with your true desires (a serious relationship and commitment.) Just think: every dating experience teaches you something about yourself. By acknowledging this and learning from our mistakes, we’re able to make better choices in the future.

2. Don’t rush into things. Get to know yourself first –

If I could go back in time, I’d give my younger self the following dating advice: slow things down. When you’re in your twenties and thirties, it’s so easy to get caught up in what everyone else is doing and gage your own progress against that of others. This is especially true when you’re in your mid-twenties to early thirties and it seems like everyone and their dog is getting married and popping out babies in rapid succession. If you’re single it’s easy to get sucked into thinking “what’s wrong with me?! Why am I still single?” and making arbitrary deadlines for yourself, “I need to be married by 30!” I’m here to tell you this: it’s all a crock of bull. Just because you haven’t met the right person doesn’t mean that there’s something wrong with you. There’s also no use in rushing into a serious relationship just because other people are or because you feel like you should because of a timeline you’ve created for yourself. What’s right for one person, isn’t necessarily right for you.

What mature daters will tell you is that the right person is worth the wait. With the divorce rate as high as they are, there’s no point in jumping into a commitment just because you feel pressured or because you think you “should.” You need to have a good relationship with yourself before you can have a relationship with someone else. Take this time while you’re single to really get to know yourself and work on you. Nurture your own interests and passions. Travel. Learn from your dating experiences. Work through your personal baggage. Doing all of these things will allow you to bring more to the table when you do meet the right person.

 3. Know what you want –

The older you get, the less interested you are in wasting your time. Take a page from mature daters and go into online dating with a game plan. There’s nothing more frustrating than dating someone who has no idea what they want. So, do yourself and others a favor and take some time to figure out what you’re looking for. Whether that’s marriage or just a casual date: be honest with yourself! One of the nice things about online dating is that it is set up to really help you in this respect. OurTime.com allows you to search for exactly what you’re looking for (from a serious relationship to a long-distance penpal), however so do other dating sites like Match.com that aren’t specifically geared towards singles in a specific age bracket.

Knowing what you want out of your online dating experience not only helps you get what you want (because isn’t that the end goal?!) it also helps you pick the right online dating site for your dating goals. Go to where your people are! For example, if you’re looking for something casual, don’t waste your time lurking around a site like eHarmony which is geared towards people looking for a serious commitment. Vice versa, if you’re looking for something more serious, a site like Mate1 that’s more focused on casual chatting probably isn’t right for you. Instead, look to a site like Match.com which is known for being more relationship oriented. By keeping these guidelines in mind, you’re bound to save yourself (and the people you date!) a lot of time and frustration.

4. Focus on how you want to be treated –

When you’re younger it’s easy to get stuck on an idealized version of “the perfect partner” with the right job, height, hair color, family etc. We got so wrapped up in checking off these boxes that it’s easy to overlook the most important things: how we want to feel and be treated in the relationship. Although online dating sites like Match.com allow you to get specific about what kind of criteria you’re looking for in a partner, if you don’t feel 100% respected in a relationship, none of that other stuff is going to matter anyways. You want to be with someone that makes you feel loved, respected and like the best version of yourself. No questions