Online dating blunders: we’ve all made them. However, like all mistakes it’s important to treat them as learning experiences. Here’s a few of the most common online dating mistakes that most of us have probably made and the important lessons we can learn from them. Do any of these sound familiar?
- Not reading the other person’s profile carefully enough before going on a date with them.
Ok, so I used to have this really bad habit of agreeing to go out with guys I’d met through online dating without thoroughly reading through their profiles first. I’d just go on gut instinct: that they were cute and seemed normal in their messages. This is how I ended up going out with a guy I thought was 6’5” but who was really 5’6” (oops), another guy who I didn’t realize had children until the first date and a nazi sympathizer (yikes.) These surprises probably could have been avoided if I had just taken the time to read through their bio info.
The lesson here: always, always read the fine print.
- Messaging with a certified “time waster” –
One of the downsides of online dating is that it’s easy to get sucked in by someone who is a total time waster – especially when you’re just learning the ropes. We’ve all been in the position where we’re messaging with someone cute…and messaging…and messaging…and messaging and it seems like you’ll never progress to the next level where you actually meet up for a date (because it will never happen!) Online dating sites are like fly paper for people who are more interested in chatting or texting with someone than actually dating. The trick is being able to spot these people right off the bat. If you’ve exchanged a handful of messages with someone and they haven’t asked you out, or you’ve asked them out and they’ve bypassed the question, it’s likely a sign that this connection isn’t going anywhere.
The lesson here: Your time is precious. If you think you might be dealing with a time waster, don’t be afraid to bounce when the trail runs cold.
- Getting emotionally invested before you meet in person –
We’ve all been there at some point in our online dating careers: you meet someone online, you share some really great conversations, you start to imagine actually dating them (cue: rose coloured fantasies of picnics in the park, butterflies kisses and matching his & her towel sets ) and then they disappear into thin air. Now cue: major disappointment. Although I think it’s important to maintain a positive and optimistic attitude when it comes to online dating, basically all bets are off until you meet in person. Online chemistry doesn’t always translate well in real life and there’s always the chance that the person you’re talking to might go AWOL before you have a chance to meet (a hard truth about online dating.)
The lesson here: It’s best not to get emotionally invested in anyone until you’ve had a chance to see if you actually click face to face. On the flip-side, not everyone is great at email or online communication. Someone who you might just have just “Ok” chemistry with online might turn out to be absolutely fantastic in person. Therefore, if you think someone may have potential, don’t get too attached or write anyone off until you’ve had a chance to actually test the waters.
- Being overly picky and not casting a broad enough net –
Although most online dating sites are designed for you to get as specific as possible – for example, thanks to search functions, you probably can find a brunette who is exactly 5’5”, likes tennis and is an avid Hootie and the Blowfish fan. So, while this is all fine and dandy – after-all, we all have specific things that we’re looking for in a partner – it’s important that you don’t get too caught up in the nitty gritty. In other words, instead of looking for reasons to reject people, look for reasons to connect with them. As an example, I’m not usually into blondes, however I decided to leave my search criteria open to all different hair colours. The result: I’ve actually met some really great fair haired guys whom I had great chemistry with – hence, completely changing my mind about what I thought was one of my hard and fast dating rules.
The lesson here: Know what you want, but stay open minded. The right person might not be exactly as you imagined them on paper.
- Being misleading –
Although most of us aren’t out to deceive potential dates we meet online, we’ve all at some point stretched the truth or exaggerated online. Whether that’s posting a photo that could definitely stand to be more current or waxing poetic about how much we LOVE camping and fishing on the weekends (when really we’d much rather be demolishing a cheese plate while binge watching Netflix) – we’ve all done this to a certain extent at some point. Although it’s tempting to ahem, “embellish” online, at the end of the day we want to attract someone who likes us exactly as we are.
The lesson here: As cheesy as it may sound – be yourself. The right person will like you for who you are.
