A few years ago, Christian Rudder – founder of online dating site OKCupid – wrote a blog post about all the lies that people tell when online dating. Rudder’s research basically proves what we’ve suspected all along: that when it comes to finding love online, most of us have been guilty of embellishing or stretching the truth at some point in our online dating careers. This isn’t exactly groundbreaking info, but an inconvenient truth none the less.

So, does that mean that we’re all dishonest people out to deceive potential dates? Not exactly. People embellish or stretch the truth for different reasons. Some people lie because they are trying to paint themselves out to be someone they are not, whereas other people will stretch the truth a bit in order to give themselves a better shot at meeting the right person.

As online dating expert Evan Marc Katz remarks, “older people will lie because they need to get attention from more desirable people. A 22-year-old guy can make $24,000/yr as a waiter and not need to exaggerate. That simply won’t fly if he’s 35.

A 24-year-old woman can post a photo and watch responses roll in like the tide. A 44-year-old woman virtually drops off the face of the earth in comparison.”

When faced with this kind of scenario, people will often fudge a few details on their profile to ensure that their information gets seen by the right people. Will they potentially disappoint the people they actually end up dating? Quite possibly. However, sometimes all people are looking for is an “in.”

So, while I firmly believe that honesty is the best policy when it comes to online dating, it’s understandable why some people choose to stretch the truth. In fact, sometimes a little embellishment can actually help your cause, or at the very least help get your foot in the door.

When it comes to online dating and stretching the truth, here are a few things to keep in mind –

1. There’s a difference between lying and embellishing –

Although I’ve never felt the need to lie on my online dating profile, there have been instances where I have overemphasized certain interests in order to gain someone’s attention. For example, last year I came across a profile of really attractive guy who also seemed very well-spoken in his profile. Although we were considered a good match by the online dating site, when it came to his interests most of them seemed pretty general (spending time outside, cooking, hiking). So, when I saw that this guy was a big fan of the band The Smiths I latched onto that and sent a message asking about his favorite song of theirs. I like The Smiths and are familiar with several of their songs but I’m not a diehard fan like this guy (although I may have alluded to how much I “love” the band in my message.) However, I know enough about the band to have a conversation about them over coffee and I figured if it came down to that, we’d probably find other things we had in common and I could win him over with my charm in person.

At the end of the day, I think this kind of embellishment is rather innocent. If someone did the same thing to me (purported to be a huge fan of The Roots when they weren’t exactly) I think I’d find it forgivable. When you embellish in this way you’re basically saying, “You seem worth getting to know, so I’m going to figure out a way to connect with you.” At the very least you’ll have something to talk about on the first date (that is, after you’ve googled the heck out of The Roots and/or Smiths.)

2. Be prepared to do the job –

I read somewhere once that if you’re going to lie on your resume, you sure as hell better be able to do whatever job you say you can do. The same thing applies to online dating.

If you’re going to embellish your relationship status and say that you’re “divorced” when really you’re still “separated,” make sure that it holds up. For example, a few years ago I went out with a guy who had fudged this exact detail on his online dating profile. Although it would have been easy for me to reject him immediately based on this small embellishment, he came clean about his relationship situation right away as soon as we met. He was on his way to being divorced, the papers just hadn’t been signed yet despite the relationship being long over. The truth was, if he’d listed himself as separated (which, to many signals “unfinished business”) I might not have agreed to go out with him.

When it comes to embellishing, I will often list my income as higher than it actually is. I do this for several reasons: a) my business is still growing and my income is likely to fluctuate. b) I don’t want people to perceive me as a gold digger. I want the men that I date to see that I can take care of myself c) Income actually isn’t that important to me; however, I want people to know that I have high achievement standards for myself. The right person won’t be intimidated by this.

3. Don’t write checks that you can’t cash –

When it comes to embellishing your online dating profile, the rule is this: don’t write cheques that you can’t cash. If you’re 5’9” and want to list your height as 6’0” – fine. However, if you’re really 5’6” you might want to re-think that. Same goes for photos – if you want to use a really great photo from 5 years ago, because you look more or less the same (except for maybe a slightly different hair color/style), then you can probably get away with it. However, if your appearance has changed quite a bit, for example you’re now bald/grey or have gained a significant amount of weight, you’re probably way better off keeping things current and telling the truth. Keep in mind that while a little embellishment doesn’t always hurt, at the end of the day, you want to find someone who likes you exactly as you really are.