We’ve all been in this predicament: You send a message to someone you’re interested in on an online dating site, only to receive radio silence in return. When this happens, many of us will ask ourselves the same questions: Should I follow up? How many messages are too many? And lastly, how do I show the other person that I’m interested without turning them off?

Whether it’s landing the job of our dreams or finding true love, we’re taught that “good things don’t come easy” and persistence pays off. Like the late Aaliyah said, “If at first you don’t succeed, dust yourself off and try again.” However, when it comes to finding love online, there’s a thin line between being persistent and being downright creepy and annoying. I speak from experience – I once received 28 messages from the same man, each on a different day asking the same question: “How was your weekend?” File this under “when being persistent and following up goes wrong.”

Not sure what the etiquette is when it comes to following up with someone online? Here’s a few things you keep in mind –

1. You should follow up if you’ve only sent them one message –

One of my rules is this: if you’ve only sent them one message, it’s perfectly OK to send another. Let’s face it: life is busy. I don’t think I’m alone when I say that sometimes I neglect my online dating account when life is hectic, only to login a few days or weeks later to discover a plethora of unread, unanswered messages. Guys, keep in mind that it’s not uncommon for a woman to receive a lot of messages – many of which are spammy, creepy or just plain bad. It can take a while to sort through all of these messages to get to the good ones. Consequently, there’s definitely been times when I’ve missed a message from someone I’m legitimately interested in, just due to volume and time constraints. This is where the follow up message comes in handy. If you haven’t heard back from someone and you notice they’re still active on the dating site, it doesn’t hurt to send a quick note that says something friendly like, “Hey, I stumbled across your profile again and would love to connect. I noticed we both have ____ in common. What’s your favorite ______?”

FYI, if your first message didn’t include a question, this is a great opportunity to ask the other person something in regards to their profile. Not only does it show interest, it also opens up the conversation, making it that much more likely that they’ll respond.

2. You should follow up with them if you’ve exchanged a few messages and they suddenly drop off –

If we’re being completely realistic, there are tons of reasons why someone might just drop off the face of the earth after you’ve exchanged a few messages. The person may have changed their mind about you and don’t know what to say (sometimes silence is the kindest response), they may have started dating someone they’re interested in or they may legitimately gotten really busy and hence, haven’t been able to keep up with their messages. As someone who has fallen into the last category on several occasions, it never hurts to send a follow up message to someone you’ve been chatting with if you haven’t heard from them in a while. There’s definitely been situations where I’ve been chatting with someone who I am interested in, only to get pulled away by other life commitments. However, receiving a friendly follow up sends the message, “hey, this person is actually interested” and is a great way to get the conversation back on track.

3. Abide by the one message follow up rule –

If you send a follow up message to someone and they don’t respond, you’ve done your job. I’m a firm believer in the “one message follow up.” By following up once, you’ve done due diligence to show that you’re interested without coming across as spammy. The next move is theirs. If they chose to respond to you – awesome! However, if you just receive more radio silence in return, you need to walk away. Sending more than one follow up message to someone you’ve never met in real life can come across as desperate and needy. Like Mr. “How was your weekend?” that I mentioned above, sending a continuous stream of messages to someone when they haven’t responded to your first inquiry is surefire way to come off as stalker-esque.

4. Let them come to you –

When your fingers are twitching with the impulse to send that second or third follow up message, keep this in mind: let them come to you. If someone is interested in you, they’ll make the effort to get in touch. Those guys that I didn’t message back initially? I eventually did write back to the ones I was interested in. However, if you don’t get a reply – don’t sweat it. Keep your head up. If someone doesn’t see the value in getting to know you – don’t fixate on it. If you keep things moving, you’ll put yourself on the right path towards someone who does.

5. Sometimes the kindest reply is no reply –

I’m of the school of thought that I’d rather be ignored than outright rejected. If someone doesn’t reply to me, I just assume they have their reasons. Maybe they think I sound like a nice person, but physically I’m not their type at all – and you know what? That’s OK. After all, these are the exact reasons I haven’t replied to people in the past: because I don’t want to waste their time making small talk when I know right away that I’m not interested. Once you adapt to the mindset that not everyone is going to write back and that you shouldn’t take it personally, online dating becomes easier. Trust me.