So, you’ve been dating for a while and now it’s time to meet your girlfriend or boyfriend’s parents. You want to make a good impression so it’s natural to feel a little bit nervous about meeting the family of the person you’re dating. However, it’s important that you keep your nerves in check so you don’t psyche yourself out.

Meeting the parents for the first time? Here’s a few things to keep in mind –

1. Wait and plan ahead –

When it comes to meeting the parents, timing is everything. Although you may be ready to take things to the next level and meet your date’s family, be considerate of the fact that they might not be at the same spot. Everyone’s family is different. For example, my family is extremely casual and making introductions isn’t a big deal (I currently live with my family so if I’m seeing someone, they’re going to meet them eventually anyways!) however, for some families, an introduction is only done when the relationship is really serious and headed towards marriage. Trust that the person you’re dating knows their family best. Don’t get offended if they don’t want to introduce you asap.

2. DO NOT plan a surprise attack –

The surprise “meeting the parents ambush” is always a bad idea. A few years ago, I was getting ready to go on a second date with a guy I’d met online. We’d agreed to meet for a drink at the local pub. However, ten minutes before the date, he showed up at my house. I was staying at my Mom’s and wasn’t expecting him, so when the doorbell rang my Mom and younger sister rushed downstairs where they were met by a strange man they had never seen before. I wasn’t even sure whether this guy would make it past date #3, yet here he was introducing himself to my whole family. Thus began one of the most awkward “meet the parents” moments ever. Do not be this person.

3. Do your homework –

Ok, so you have plans to meet your date’s parents…but, wait – what are you going to say to them?! If you’re nervous about meeting someone’s family one of the best things you can do is some research beforehand. Ask the person you’re dating questions about their family: what are their parents names? What are some of their hobbies? Who else will be there when you meet them? They want you to make a good first impression so they’ll likely volunteer information like, “My Dad will totally love you if you ask him about that Eagles concert he went to in 1979.”

4. Make it all about them –

People love to talk about themselves – that’s a fact. Take the heat off of you by focusing on them. Although your date’s parents will likely have some questions for you, make sure you come prepared with some things that you can ask them – this is where your homework and that 1979 Eagles concert comes in handy. Ask them about their hobbies, their interests and offer sincere compliments (what parent doesn’t love to hear that they’ve raised an outstanding son or daughter?) Keep things light and avoid hot button topics like religion, politics and sex.

5. Make sure they know about you –

As I mentioned above, nothing is more awkward than a “surprise attack.” If possible, make sure that your date’s family knows a bit about you so that they feel comfortable and prepared. If there’s something they really should know about you in advance- make sure your date communicates this info. For example, when I met an ex’s parents, he forgot to mention to them beforehand that I was a completely different race and culture than their son. Much awkwardness ensued. To ensure everything goes smoothly, make sure your date talks to their parents beforehand so you’re not walking into a battlefield unarmed.

6. Dress to impress –

You don’t have to show up dressed like you’re headed to the Oscars (unless, of course the event is black tie!) however, knowing that you look your best will be a huge confidence boost. Similar to how you’d get dressed for a first date, it’s best to ditch the super casual and revealing clothing. Instead, you want to make sure you look clean, well-put together and are wearing something that makes you feel comfortable and confident.

8. Don’t assume the worst –

One of the worst things you can do is go into the meeting of the parents with the attitude that no matter what, this is going to be an awkward, disaster of an experience. Newsflash: life is not a movie starring Ben Stiller. Your date’s father (likely) won’t subject you to a lie detector test or a series of bizarre hazing rituals. They just want to talk to you and get a feel for who you are as a person. Assuming the worst fuels nerves and makes it difficult for you to just be yourself. Relax, my friend. It’s going to be OK.

9. Don’t expect perfection –

While it’s good to go into the experience with a positive, optimistic attitude don’t assume that meeting someone’s parents is going to result in an automatic love-fest. Parents tend to be protective of their kids, so don’t be surprised if they’re just neutral and cordial towards you. They might just need some time to warm up to you. Just because they aren’t leaning in for a giant bear hug now doesn’t mean it won’t happen in the future.