The internet is great for a lot of things: shopping, learning the answers to really important burning questions (“How old is Tony Danza, anyway?”) and connecting you with people that you may not have met otherwise. However, for all it’s awesomeness, it’s also a breeding ground for people who want to misrepresent themselves. Enter: the online dating player.

A “player” is a guy who is very good at manipulating a woman’s emotions to get what he wants (whether that’s sex or an ego boost) when really he has no intention of building a relationship with them. As Julie Spira, a cyber dating expert and author of the online book The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online explains on her blog, there are two different kinds of players women need to look out for online:

1) The guy who is also a player offline – These are guys who manipulate women to get what they want both online and off. This is just the way they live their lives. Online dating is just yet another way to meet women and feed their egos.

2) The guy who is unlucky in love or socially inept in real life – These are guys who have had bad luck with dating in the past. However, with online dating they can flirt and interact with people easily under the protection of an online identity. These kinds of players are essentially time wasters. As Spira points out, often these guys don’t even want to meet women in person, they’re just addicted to chatting.

Not sure if you’re dealing with a player online? Here’s a few tell-tale signs:

1. They never want to meet up –

If a guy seems more interested in making small talk with you than actually dating you, that’s a warning sign in my books. I like to exchange a couple of messages, and if we’re both comfortable, set a date to meet in person. Since there’s only so much you can tell about a person online, I prefer to gauge chemistry in person. If they dodge the idea of meeting up, there’s a good chance that you’re dealing with someone who is more interested in feeding their ego than actually going on dates. If someone isn’t willing to go on an actual date but continues to message you, it might mean that they’re not socially capable, and it’s time to move on.

2. They’re in a rush to commit –

I totally believe that people can fall in love after meeting online. However, it takes time to get to know someone and develop that kind of emotional intimacy. This is especially true if you’ve never met in person. Whether you’ve only exchanged messages or have already gone on a date, I’d be very weary of anyone who professes their love or talks about making a serious commitment to you right off the bat. Same goes if they lay the romance really thick from the get go – ie. they’re “looking for a woman to wake up to every morning” or “they can’t wait to get married.” Sure, many of us probably want those things, but these aren’t typically things you share with someone you’ve just met. If you feel like they are forcing emotional intimacy, there’s a good chance they’re trying to tell you what they think you want to hear to serve their own goals. Avoid the sweet tooth for sweet-talkers.

3. They’re all about the physical –

Same as above, if your online date seems overly focused on rushing into the physical aspect of your relationship – for example, by engaging in dirty flirting or getting overly touchy-feely on the first date, there’s a good chance you’re dealing with someone who is only interested in sex – and isn’t doing a very good job at hiding it.

4. They’re just looking for “friends” – 

I’m very suspicious of any man who claims he’s “just out of a relationship” and looking for “friends.” People usually don’t go on online dating sites looking for friends, so it always drives me bonkers whenever I see this in a profile. After all, it’s called Plenty of Fish, not “Plenty of Friends” for a reason. Same goes for guys who say they “travel a lot” or “are busy with work.” These are probably guys who are hoping to inch their way into your lives without the effort of dating and score sex in the process.

5. He wants you to play by his rules –

When you’re dealing with a player, it’s all about him. He wants you to play by his rules so he can get what he wants out of the situation as quickly as possible. For example, last winter a guy I had met online asked me out. I said yes, and then suggested we meet at a new brewpub that just opened. He replied with “why don’t you just come over to my house? ;)” My gut immediately told me that I was dealing with a player who was only after one thing.

Although a player will lie, your gut rarely does. Trust your instincts when dealing with these wily characters. If something seems off or just too good to be true, it’s probably because it is.  Listen to your intuition, ladies!