From the courtship rules outlined in 1950’s dating guides (“only floozies ask guys out”) to modern day love life bibles like The Rules and Steve Harvey’s Act Like a Lady, Think like a Man, there seems to be an overarching – and dare I say, out of date – belief that, in order to get what you want romantically, women need to play hard to get and wait for the man to make the first move. Because apparently not going after what you want is how to get it (insert eye roll and side-eye here.)
Luckily, the future is female and these outdated attitudes are slowly, but surely changing. So, should women always make the first move?
Whitney Wolfe, CEO of the dating app Bumble says, yes. She’s committed to empowering women in their dating lives and told online mag Elite Daily, “As women, we’ve been taught to sit and wait for a man to come to us for fear of looking desperate. But that’s a very antiquated, sexist way of thinking and we set out to change that.”
I’m lucky I grew up in a time and place where I was encouraged to be empowered – both by my family and by the people I looked up to. I was a huge Madonna fan as a teenager and one of the things I admired most about her was she went after what she wanted, including romantic partners! I think I’ve definitely carried this “go after what you want” attitude into my own adult dating life. Plus, I’m a fairly impatient person, so the idea of waiting around for a guy to make the first move has never appealed to me.
But if you aren’t convinced you should make the first move, here are a few reasons that may change your mind, regardless of what app or online dating site you’re using.
1. Waiting around sucks.
Life is short and deserves to be lived to it’s fullest. I can’t think of anything less fun than sitting around and waiting for a man to reach out to you first. You deserve better than that. We all do.
2. It puts you in the driver seat.
Why wait around for someone to find you, when you can take your dating life by the reigns and find them first? If you’re tired of the kind of people that are messaging you first: take control. There’s something really empowering about finding someone cute online and sending them the first message.
3. It takes the pressure off.
Statistically speaking, men want you to make the first move. Earlier in the year, Match.com released data from their annual Singles in America study. Among single men ages 18 to 70+, the study found 95 percent are in favor of a woman initiating the first kiss and also asking for a guy’s phone number. But only 29 percent of women actually initiate the first kiss and 13 percent of women ask for a man’s number. Let’s change that.
4. It’s more efficient.
Sure, there’s going to be some people who might not like a woman who makes the first move, but you don’t want to be dating those people anyway. In a way, making the first move is a great litmus test. If they don’t respond positively, at least you have an answer and can eliminate them from your pool of potential dates, freeing up time to focus on other more worthy candidates.
But sometimes making the first move can feel easier said than done, especially if you’re not used to taking charge. Will I come off as pushy? What will the other person think?
“It’s just a matter of education,” Wolfe said. “Once people get a sense of how ridiculous the notion of men having to make the first move is, they tend to see things more clearly…Women are encouraged to go after everything they want in life except for a partner, and that’s nothing short of ridiculous. Our mission is to encourage women to make the first move in all facets of their life, and everyday we’re helping to change the way people think.”
Amen, queen. Amen.
