When it comes to online dating, there’s a fine line between being optimistic and having false hope. We’ve all been in a place where we want something (anything) to work out so bad that we’ll do almost anything to make it happen. Heck, I’ve been there more times than I can count. When you meet someone new, it’s so easy to place all kinds of romantic expectations on how things will play out before you even know the person. This is especially true when you meet someone online because dating profiles only provide a narrow and selective view of who someone is in real life.

Although I’m all in favor of having a positive attitude and being open to love, the road to wishful thinking is a slippery one. Whether you’re already mentally picking out china patterns with that girl you just met online or fantasizing about being with that dude who made it clear to you that he’s not interested in a relationship, allowing false hope to work it’s way into your dating life is one of the easiest ways to shoot yourself in the foot.

In the spirit of real talk, here’s a few reasons why false hope could be putting a damper on your dating life.

1. False hope holds you back –

Although it’s definitely fun to daydream about the future you might have with someone you just met, make sure you don’t let the hypothetical “what ifs” get in the way of real life and other dating opportunities. When you start imagining a future with someone before you’re actually together, you mentally close yourself off from other people who might in reality, be a much better fit.

Yes, that one guy or girl you met online may “seem perfect” but, you don’t really know them. Anyone can seem perfect online. However, by holding on to the hope that something may happen with them and therefore ignoring everyone else in your path, you’re blinding yourself from other opportunities. Remember, actions always speak louder than words. Instead of obsessing over the person who isn’t writing or calling you back, focus on the people who are making an effort and actually seem interested.

Same goes if the person you’re dating says they aren’t interested in a relationship (when you are). Sure, they might change their mind at some point in the hypothetical future; however, they may not. Holding onto this false sense of hope keeps you emotionally tied up and prevents you from meeting someone who wants the same things as you. And trust me – the right person will want to be with you right now.

2. False hope makes you obsessive –

When someone really wants to be with you, they’ll open up and share things about themselves. When you have false hope, it usually means that the other person isn’t doing this which inevitably causes you to obsess over every little detail about this person: their actions, their whereabouts and their life in general. The other person almost becomes like a celebrity – someone you really want to know everything about, but don’t. The reality is that like you, they’re just a normal person. By putting them on a pedestal like this, you’re placing all kinds of expectations on them (“they’re so perfect! hot! smart! mysterious!”) while also devaluing your own worth. If someone was really into you, you wouldn’t have to obsess over all these little things because they’d be sharing and opening up to you naturally.

3. False hope breeds insecurity and makes you over-analyze everything –

If you constantly have to ask “what do you think this means?” every time they text or message you, there’s a good chance that wishful thinking is making you over analyze every. little. thing. You’re trying to read into everything, grasping at whatever gold you can find in the muck, hoping that what the other person is telling you actually means more than it does. Instead, try taking things at face value. If someone really wants to get to know you it will be obvious and you won’t have to play detective every time you interact. Just think: all the time you spend over analyzing, obsessing and trying to “decode” what correspondence “really means” could be time spent going out with other hot, interesting singles.

4. False hope is exactly that: false –

Although you may think unrequited love is romantic, it’s not. It’s a concept bred out of false hope. Unrequited love just means that the person you want to be with doesn’t want to be with you too. If that’s the case, you need to move on. Because, guess what? There are lots of other people out there who will think you’re amazing and happily be yours. At the end of the day, false hope doesn’t bring you closer to finding true love, it pushes you further away. My suggestion: kick false hope and wishful thinking to the curb. Instead, embrace something real: that you’re awesome and you deserve someone who understands that right from the get-go.