When I was in middle school, I spent many lunch breaks sitting in a grassy field with my friends, picking off the petals of daisies in fervent games of “loves me, loves me not.” Although those days and the resulting grass stains are long behind me, the question “do they like me?” is one that still looms large for many of us when it comes to dating.
When you start dating someone, you open yourself up to the possibility that the other person may or may not end up feeling the same way about you. It’s an emotional risk – one that can feel really scary at times. Our first impulse is to try and figure out as early as possible where the other person stands so we can gauge whether the risk is worth it. But, often it can be hard to read the signs – especially at the very beginning of a dating relationship. But, it’s not impossible.
When it comes to figuring out whether someone is into you, actions always speak louder than words. Although it may take some people longer than others to verbally express their feelings, if someone is really into you, they’ll be able to pass these simple but important tests –
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They’re keen to show you off in public.
Whether it’s going to the movies, holding hands in public or attending an event together, if someone is into you they’ll have absolutely no issue being seen with you. Even if they don’t say it verbally, planning dates where there’s a chance other people will see you together shows that they’re excited and proud to be by your side. On the flipside, if the person you’re dating only ever wants to hang out together at home, under the cover of night or at that sketchy semi-abandoned off-brand Applebees on the edge of town, it may be that they’re not as sure about the relationship as you are.
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They’re good at staying in touch.
People have lives, so if your love interest doesn’t text you back immediately don’t fret. But, if someone is legitimately into you, they’ll make an effort to get back to you as soon as possible, call you when they say they’ll call you and show up when they say they’re going to. They understand that if they don’t do these things you might lose interest – and that’s the last thing they want! In other words, dating this person shouldn’t make you feel like you have to constantly chase them down.
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They want to hang out with you even when there’s no chance you’ll hook up.
How eager are they to spend time with you in situations where there’s almost zero chance that anything physical will take place? Are they comfortable doing things that aren’t super sexy or romantic with you – for example, grabbing a quick coffee in the morning while you’re on your break, coming with you to visit your grandma at her nursing home, bringing you soup when you’re sick? Do they want to see you in the daytime and not just late at night (when sex is more likely on the menu)? If they’re really into you, the answer should be a resounding “yes.”
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They’re willing to plan dates ahead.
Do they initiate dates days and/or weeks in advance? Or is their general approach to dating, “I’ll text you later and maybe we can meet up after that thing if I don’t have other plans”? Someone who is really into you won’t be willing to leave things to chance. They’ll want to make plans with you and keep them. If your love interest is willing to make plans for you ahead of time (“there’s this new bistro opening next week, want to go?”) take that as a sign that they like you.
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They put away their phone when you’re together.
If you’re still not sure whether someone is really into you, administer the phone test. Do they keep their phone on the table the entire date? Do they check their social media while you’re in the middle of a conversation? Or do they put their phone on vibrate and safely tuck it away somewhere out of sight? Unless there’s a super important reason for your date to have their phone within reach (i.e. they’re waiting for an update about a sick relative or they’re like, the President of the United States), there’s no reason for your date to be on their phone while you’re together. If someone is into you, they’ll have the curtesy to put their phone away and only check it when you’re in the bathroom.
