Dating can sometimes feel like you’re trying to navigate shark infested waters. For every successful dating moment, there’s always a handful of “fails” or disappointments. Unfortunately, dating isn’t always all sunshine and roses – but you know what? That’s OK. The key to having a healthy and productive dating life doesn’t revolve around avoiding disappointment (because, well, that’s impossible) but rather, learning from these moments when they occur and allowing them to help you grow as a person.

Here’s a few ways you can turn typical dating fails into big time personal wins –

1. Being stood up –

When it comes to dating fails, there’s a special place in hell reserved for being stood up. Simply put, being stood up sucks. A few years ago I was dating this guy I had met online. We made plans to meet for a run by the beach. However, when I showed up at the designated time and meeting spot he was nowhere to be found. After waiting around for 30 minutes, I finally got a text from him explaining that he had showed up to the meeting spot early and when he didn’t see me there, he just kept running. He was completely unapologetic and it made my blood boil.

How to turn this around: Although the urge to lash into my date with a litany of angry text messages was very, very strong, I decided to take the highroad. I politely but firmly explained to him that he had wasted my time and that I wasn’t interested in spending time with anyone who would do that. Assertiveness is like a muscle – the more you exercise it, the stronger it gets. My date may have stood me up, but this experience allowed me to practice standing up for myself.

2. Dating a cheater –

Oh, boy. Dating a cheater is something no one deserves, but many of us unfortunately experience at least once in our dating careers. When my ex told me he had been seeing someone on the side, I was equal parts livid and heartbroken. For weeks afterward, I was mentally tortured with the image of my ex and this faceless mystery girl together. The kicker: three weeks later he told me that there had never been anyone else – he just didn’t know how to tell me he wanted to break up! The lesson here: liars will lie…about everything.

How to turn this around: Although this experience was emotionally jarring, I learned something important from it: when it comes to relationships, honesty and transparency are so, so, important. Although he was the one who was dishonest, this experience has made me prioritize honesty both with myself and others.

3. Fighting with your partner –

When you get in a fight with the person you’re dating it can definitely feel like a “dating fail” moment. However, when done correctly, arguing with your partner can actually lead to a relationship “win.” Experts agree that couples who aren’t afraid to disagree and argue on a regular basis tend to have happier and healthier relationships than those who keep all of their issues tucked away under the rug, just waiting to explode. Learning how to handle conflict productively can encourage communication and build trust with your partner.

How to turn it around: Want your relationship to grow? Learn to fight fair. Instead of trying to “win” the argument, focus on sharing feelings (for example, “When you don’t text me back, it makes me feel ____”) and avoid name calling. Learning how to handle conflict will make you better at dating and life in general.

4. Ignoring red flags –

When I look back at my past experiences, I could have avoided so many dating fails had I only paid more attention to red-flags. I used to think that I had to give everyone the benefit of the doubt. However, I’ve since learned it’s better to trust your gut. Dating someone who does drugs, shows signs of anger issues, speaks badly about their ex or makes you feel uneasy in any way is not going to end well. I promise. We all make these mistakes and there’s no point in beating ourselves up.

How to turn it around:  The only way to learn to trust your intuition is by seeing what happens when you don’t. When you’re able to identify red flags, you can then use them to guide you away from the wrong people, therefore making you a more productive, assertive dater.

5. Dating someone who just isn’t that into you –

We’ve all made the mistake of dating someone who we later realize just wasn’t that into us. I made this exact mistake with the guy I mentioned above who stood me up. His standing me up was a metaphor for the whole relationship: I kept waiting for him, thinking that if I just stuck around long enough, he’d finally meet me halfway. However, when I look back it’s clear that he never was going to because he just wasn’t that into dating me (if he was, he would have made an effort.)

How to turn this around: Being deprived of something in a relationship – for example,  affection, commitment, a sense of adventure or physical chemistry – makes it that much clearer what we really truly need. Instead of being hard on yourself for dating someone who wasn’t the right person, allow the things you didn’t get from them guide you towards the things you really want.