I have a handful of friends (both male and female) who have a literal laundry list of “requirements” for their future partner.

• Movie-star good looks.
• Fitness-model body.
• Over 6’0” tall (for men.)
• Intelligent.
• Hilarious.
• Six-figure income.
• Graduated from a top college.
• Owns his/her own home.
• No children.
• Turns everything they touch into gold (just kidding. Kind of. Sort of.)

Unsurprisingly, these friends are still single and have yet to find their “ideal partner.” While I definitely believe that you can find some of these things in a mate; approaching dating with a list of “perfect requirements” that a future partner must meet is only going to lead to disappointment.

I have some friends who have found everything on their list (handsome, six-figure income), only to realize once they’re committed to this person that, personality wise, they’re not a good match or they’ve had to compromise in other areas in order to meet their “dream partner requirements” (for example, having a partner that actually has time to spend with them and/or is faithful.)

I’ve heard time and time again, the same friends say, “I just want to meet someone the old-fashioned way – like my grandparents did. They’ve been married for 50 years.” Sure, things seemed simpler back then. People met the guy/girl next door, fell in love and got married. Roll credits. But, keep in mind your grandparents probably didn’t have an extensive list of characteristics they absolutely had to have fulfilled by their partner. My Grandma married my Grandpa when she was eighteen and he was twenty. When I asked her what made her fall for my Grandpa, she said, “He was handsome and the sex was good.” Totally awkward, but to the point. Couples from that era followed their hearts and grew into the relationship – for better or for worse.

While I’m not suggesting we all marry the first person we think is hot and good in bed, I think we could all stand to let go of the idea of finding the “perfect” partner and instead look for “diamonds in the rough.”

Here’s how you can turn that dating “maybe” can turn into a “yes!”

1. Focus on how the person makes you feel.

It sounds like the line from a Nicholas Sparks novel, but you need to listen to what your heart wants and follow it. If my grandma had the list I mentioned above, she never would have met my grandpa (granted, I don’t think there were many 20-something guys in rural Canada making six-figure incomes in the 1940’s.) My grandpa didn’t have much to offer except himself and his future potential. Sure, it was a different time, but we can still learn from our grandparents’ experiences. Instead of trying to check off items on a list, ask yourself “How does this person make me feel?” Are you attracted to them? Do you feel happy and safe when you’re around them? It doesn’t matter who they are or what they look like – if you want to be with them, explore that. What do you have to lose, really?

2. Stop thinking in absolutes.

If your approach to dating is to say, “The person I date absolutely needs to be X, Y, Z or else I just can’t date them,” you need to cut that out. By thinking in absolutes, you risk missing out on your diamond in the rough. While there are certain basics you should always make sure are covered (for example, kindness, respect, honesty,) keep in mind the more superficial stuff may not always be in place. For example, maybe the perfect person for you could use a bit of help in the fashion department or they have a hobby that kind of makes you cringe. None of this really matters if being with them makes your heart feel good.

3. Find someone you can be yourself around.

Do you want to be sucking in your gut for the next 30 years? No, of course not. More important than college degrees, bank balances and washboard abs is finding a partner you can actually be yourself around. If they make you laugh deep, belly-aching, snorting, guffaws – even better.

4. Chill out and let things unfold naturally.

Remember what I said about absolutes? Relax and stop insisting your relationship unfold in a certain way (for example, “exclusive at one month, moved in and engaged at one year.”) Life is unpredictable and doesn’t work on an arbitrary timeline. So, chill out and allow the relationship to evolve organically. Maybe your diamond in the rough will be exactly what you’ve been looking for or maybe not. However the chips may fall, at least you’ve given yourself the chance to find out.