Neediness is a giant attraction killer. Point blank. No one wants to date someone who is needy, desperate and constantly draining your emotional bandwidth. But, the problem with needy people is that most of the time they don’t even realize they’re being needy. Because of this, needy, desperate people often fly under the radar. In fact, needy people may even come off as sweet, doting and devoted at first glance/date.

With that said, it’s important to understand the difference between “need” and “neediness.” The former means that you know what you want out of a relationship. For example, you need respect, honesty and someone who is a worthy Scrabble opponent. On the other hand, neediness comes from a place of insecurity and codependence. For example, the person you’re with needs your attention all the time, because without it, they don’t feel secure. In other words, “neediness” is a code word for “unhealthy relationship.”

If left unchecked, neediness can fester, leading to resentment and anger towards the other person.

Think you might be dating someone who is needy? Here are some of the key signs to look out for.

1. They won’t stop calling or texting you.

They text you every few minutes and when you don’t write back right away, they’ll send a follow up message asking something like, “did you forget about meeeee? *insert crying face emoticon*” If they’re still kicking it old school with phone calls, they call and hang up, call and hang up until you pick up. If you don’t pick up they’ll text. Then call again. Even if someone’s behavior isn’t quite this extreme, the important thing to remember about needy people is that they don’t have a good grasp on personal boundaries. For example, they seem to be completely oblivious to the fact that you have other things going on in your life (for example, you’re at work, or church or basketball practice) and expect you to make them their #1 priority at all times. This is not only unrealistic, it’s not healthy.

2. They constantly need your approval.

They need you to constantly compliment them. When you don’t, they freak out or get angry (“Do you like me?” “Am I the best looking person you’ve ever dated?” “Do you think I’m fat?” “Tell me I’m beautiful”). They can’t seem to make any decisions on their own and need your input on everything. They might also be prone to doing outlandish things to get your attention – good or bad. Whether that’s dancing on the table at a bar while swigging champagne right out of the bottle, picking a fight in public or hiring a airplane to write your name in skywriting, needy people do these kinds of things because they want all of your attention all of the time.

3. They never seem to spend time with their friends.

They don’t seem to have many friends or a social life outside of dating. If they do have friends, they rarely spend time with them. Without other close relationships or a friend base to anchor them, needy people become completely reliant on the people they date for their social life and emotional support. Because of this, they want to spend all their time with you and that’s not good.

4. They don’t want you to spend time with your friends either.

Think you’re going to be spend Sunday afternoon brunching or watching the game with your best friends when you’re dating this person? Uh, think again. They don’t want to spend time with your friends either. When you do make plans with your friends they either make you feel guilty or insist that they tag along.

5. They’re blowing up your social media.

Needy people tend to want to be part of every aspect of your life and right away. If the person you’re dating insists on being added/friended on all of your social media accounts and seems to be constantly on social media monitoring err, I mean “liking” everything you post, you may be dealing with a very needy individual.

6. They emotionally blackmail you.

Whenever you enforce your own personal boundaries, they make you feel guilty. (“What do you mean you can’t see me again tonight? My pet rock just died and I need you.”)

7. You feel smothered.

When you’re dating someone who is needy, you feel it. You probably don’t even need this list of warning signs because your gut has told you everything that you need to know.