You’ve had your fill of jerks, commitment-phobes, uninteresting dates and people who couldn’t communicate properly to save their life. You’re ready to pack it in and give up on dating altogether.
At some point or another, we’ve all found ourselves in an emotional space where we’re exhausted from dating and ready to give up. However, I’m here to say, “not so fast!”
Finding the right person isn’t a sprint, it’s a marathon. In order to get what you want out of dating, you need endurance. This means conserving your time, energy and sanity by being intentional about your dating practices.
Here’s how to get what you want out of dating when you’re ready to give up.
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Be intentional.
There’s absolutely no point of dating for the sake of dating. If going on date after unsatisfying date is making you miserable, stop doing that. I know this is probably confusing – after all, if you go online, you’ll likely find a bazillion different dating advice articles that urge singles to “put yourself out there!” and “meet as many people as possible!” We live in a society that encourages people to pull up their bootstraps and keep forging ahead. However, if you’ve been doing this – going on date after date – and it’s only adding to your sense of frustration and despondency, it’s time for a new strategy.
Instead of trying to meet ALL THE PEOPLE, focus your energy on trying to meet one or two that really interest you. In other words, stop saying yes to dates “just to see what happens” and instead only agree to go out with people that you see as an enthusiastic “HECK YES!” It’s all about quality over quantity, my friend. You may find yourself going on a lot less dates – or maybe even no dates. However, your sanity will thank you.
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Figure out what you really, really want.
Here’s a thought: maybe you’re feeling burnt out from dating because you keep going out with people that don’t fit into what you’re really looking for in a partner. Maybe you don’t even know what that is. Now’s the time to take a step back from dating and figure that out for yourself.
What values are most important to you in life? How do you want to feel when you’re with your partner? Do some soul searching. Is dating someone who looks like a fitness model the most important thing, or is it more meaningful to you that your partner be kind and empathetic? Be brutally honest with yourself. Once you have a better idea of what you’re actually looking for, use this as a roadmap. The more clear you are on what you want, the easier it will become recognize and move on from people who don’t fit within this framework (therefore, conserving your time and energy for those who do.)
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Be as picky as you damn well please.
If you’re sick of dating, you really have nothing to lose. Now’s the perfect time to be as picky as you want to be. Instead of trying to adapt and bend to other people’s desires, take a no holds barred, “take me or leave me” approach to your dating life. Say no to dates that don’t make you excited.
Be yourself – boldly and unabashedly. The right person is going to be attracted to you just as you are.
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Date yourself, first and foremost.
We get so caught up in the merry go round of online dating that we often forget to spend time with the most important person of all: ourselves. If dating has got you down, now is the perfect time to devote some serious time to dating yourself. Find an interest that ignites your soul and give it all you’ve got. Not only will becoming a more well rounded person make you better at dating (hello, interesting dinner conversations!) it will also help counteract some of the negativity that’s built up because of dating burnout.
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Take a vacation from dating.
A date-cation if you will. There’s absolutely no rule that says that just because you’re single, you need to be dating – so, stop holding yourself accountable to that. You know how you always come back from vacation time feeling refreshed and rejuvenated? Do the same thing for your dating life. If you feel like giving up – don’t. Just take a break. If we think of online dating as a marathon, even the strongest athletes have to take a moment to catch their breath, drink some water and mentally re-set before continuing on. Don’t be afraid to sit on the bench for awhile. It might be exactly the break you need to keep going.
