As a single woman who has spent a fair amount of time using online dating websites, I can say this: most women receive a lot of messages. This is true for myself and pretty much all of the single ladies in my life. We get a lot of messages. Some of these messages are extremely creepy. Some are legitimately awesome. However, the majority of the messages that women receive are lackluster and mediocre at best. (In case you were wondering, sending a one word message that just says “Hey” is not the way to our heart.)

When we’re sifting through our messages trying to decide where to allocate our time and effort, it’s these lackluster, sub-par attempts at contact that get deleted first. If you’re not going to put some thought and consideration into messaging us, why should we do the same with a reply?

So, how do you separate yourself from the pack AND get a response? Here’s a few quick tips on how to get women to respond to your messages.

1. Be appropriate.

As I mentioned above, women are often inundated with messages that are deemed “creepy.” So, what exactly qualifies as a creepy message?! Easy: anything with overt sexual undertones. Although you may think that she’s the sexiest and most desirable creature that you’ve ever laid eyes upon, it’s important that you keep those feelings in check and be a gentleman. Women need to feel safe, and when you get sexual right away that feeling of safety is compromised. You might think you’re complimenting us, but we’ll just see you as a dude who is only interested in one thing: getting in our pants. So, keep things polite and gentlemanly. Instead of addressing her as “Hey Sexy!” call her by her user name (or real name if she’s provided it.) Be respectful. Christian Grey of Fifty Shades of Grey can say stuff like “I want to bite that lip” to a woman he barely knows. You can’t. Remember that.

2. Show that you’ve read the person’s profile.

Taking the time to read a woman’s profile can score you big points when it comes to crafting a message that will generate a response. Reading through someone’s profile and commenting on something they shared about themselves shows that you’re legitimately interested in who they are as a person. Plus, it gives you a solid starting off point for an actual conversation.

For example, sending someone a message that says, “Hey there! I noticed that you mentioned that you’re obsessed with good coffee. What’s your favorite coffee bar in this city?” is much more likely to garner a response than “Hey sexy. How’s your week going?”

3. Don’t try to be too original.

Although some guys might think it’s a good idea to write something really bizarre and/or ironic to grab a girl’s attention, this often doesn’t work. For example, recently a guy sent me a message that said  “I want them lands! I want to get thee lands!” Um, yeah. Although it definitely was “original” I didn’t respond because I had no idea what the guy was actually trying to tell me or what he wanted. Instead, it’s better to keep things simple. Unless you’re directly referencing something in her profile, sending a simple message like, “Hey there! I really like your profile. I think it’s awesome you’re really into kayaking. Me too. Where’s your favourite spot to practice?” is infinitely better than making an obscure reference that only you’ll get.

4. Check your spelling.

One of my biggest turn-offs when it comes to online dating is when I see spelling errors and poor grammar. If you’re going to message someone, take the time to make sure you’re using correct spelling and punctuation. Yes, mistakes happen and no one is perfect, however if a profile or message is chock full of bad spelling, grammatical errors and reads like it was written with one finger, on a smartphone while driving over potholes, it screams out “I don’t really care.” First impressions matter. That’s why there’s spellcheck. You’re an adult. You can handle this.

5. Respond in a timely manner.

If you’re still subscribing to outdated “rules” like you have to wait X number of days before you respond to a woman’s message, you need to ditch that playbook immediately. Thanks to the advent of mobile apps, online dating is now moving faster than it was in the past. There’s no need to wait more than 24 hours to respond to someone. You want to keep the momentum going. If you’re interested in someone, responding to them in a timely manner is a great way to communicate that interest. FYI, writing back to someone right away doesn’t mean that you’re desperate, it means that you’re legitimately interested in the person and want to connect (and potentially date them!). After all, isn’t that the point of online dating?!