I think Diana King said it best in 1995 when she proclaimed that she wasn’t looking for a “fly guy,” but rather, a “shy guy.” If you’re nodding in agreement, you understand that dating a shy guy or shy girl definitely comes with a certain appeal. After all, shy people tend to come across as introspective, thoughtful and somewhat mysterious. However, trying to initiate a romance with someone who is shy can be a frustrating process if you’re not prepared. Shy people can be a bit more difficult to talk to at first, and if they like you too, they might have a more difficult time showing it. However, with a little practice and intuition, it’s not hard to get a shy guy/girl to notice you.

Hoping to grab the attention of the introvert of your eye? Here’s a few tips on how to date a shy guy or girl –

1. Casually approach –

One of the easiest ways to scare off a shy person is to go right for the kill (the date). If you’re trying to grab their attention online, avoid sending a super direct, explicit message right off the bat. Instead, start with a message that’s casual and conversational in order to break the ice. Ask them about something in their profile or what they’ve been up to. Be friendly. When it comes to attracting a shy person, a message like, “How’s your week going? I noticed you really like rock-climbing – me too!” is going to go over way better than, “You’re ridiculously hot and I want to date you. Let’s make gorgeous babies together.” Trust me. (In fact, this is just good online dating advice all around!)

2. Keep things online…for now –

If you’re hoping to win the heart of a shy person, it’s important that you find a non-threatening way to communicate with them. From personal messaging to in house chat programs, online dating makes this very easy for you. Instead of immediately asking them for their digits, focus on developing a rapport with them by exchanging messages online. This allows the shy person to think about their answer before they reply to you, which is way less intimidating than having a live phone conversation or meeting up in person right away.

3. Take things slow and be consistent –

Do not rush a shy person! Although you may be dying to meet this gorgeous, interesting creature in the flesh, if they’re shy it’s very likely that they’ll need more time to trust you. One of the most straightforward and effective ways to develop a rapport is by staying consistently in touch. By making sure you talk to them a couple times a week, you’ll begin establishing a bond that will hopefully help them tear down their wall of shyness. After small talk, you should gradually move on to more personal topics like family, ambitions, travel plans, interests – all the while, keeping things casual and conversational.

4. Gauge their feelings and drop hints that you like them –

Once you’ve had a chance to get to know them, it’s OK to drop hints that you like them in order to gauge their interest in you. Take this opportunity to transition the conversation to a more personal level. For example, drop hints of what you’re looking for in a partner and compliment them on these qualities. For example, let them know, “I think it’s awesome how ambitious and well read you are,” or “I always enjoy receiving your messages because they’re always so thoughtful.” Maybe even, “It’s always so great talking to you because I feel like I can be myself.” By opening up the conversation in this way, you provide a shy person the opportunity to reciprocate.

5. Ask them out –

If you think that they may like you too, it’s time to ask them out! In order to make asking them out as non-intimidating as possible, keep things simple. Although your impulse may be to plan THE. BEST. DATE. EVER, reel that in and suggest something casual and low pressure like, “Hey, I really like talking to you. Would you maybe like to grab a coffee in the near future?” Instead of something like, “Hey let’s go underwater rock-climbing and then meet my whole family” – a date suggestion that would likely scare off even the bravest of souls.

6. Give them the chance to become comfortable with you –

Once you’re on your date with your shy love interest, it’s important that you keep that “go slow” mentality in place. Shy guys and girls often require a bit more time to get comfortable with new people. Keep the conversation fun and light, and don’t rush into physical contact. If you’d like to touch them, start by something casual like touching or patting their shoulder and see how they react. By respecting their personal space and taking things slow, the shy guy or girl of your dreams is going to feel way more comfortable and willing to open up.