I remember not too long ago, having a conversation with a female friend about a guy she had recently started dating. When I asked her what he was like, she admitted, “He’s not that good looking, but that’s never been that important to me. He’s ridiculously smart and we have the best conversations. I’m never bored when I’m with him.” My friend is very smart in her own right (a lawyer who graduated at the top of her class) and judging from the tone in her voice, completely smitten.

When it comes to being attracted to someone based on their intellect, she’s not alone. Many people prefer to date people who are their intellectual equal because they love having a partner that can keep them on their toes. However, this isn’t always the case with everyone.

Take Marge and Homer Simpson for example. Marge is definitely the brains in that relationship, but she fell in love with Homer because he makes her happy in other ways. I know I’m comparing humans with cartoon characters, but you get where I’m going with this. Everyone is unique and needs different things from their relationships.

Here’s a few things to keep in mind when it comes to dating your intellectual equal –

1. Some people not only want a challenge, they need a challenge –

For women like my friend, having a partner that challenges and stimulates them intellectually is key. I have a lot friends who are very successful at their careers and crave intellectual stimulation outside of their job. If the person they’re dating can’t keep up with them as they debate politics, discuss the markets or is unable to make them smile with their wit, it’s a total dealbreaker.

Face-it, smarts are a turn on. I love it when a guy is able to make me laugh with a witty, irreverent comment or droll sense of humour. And while I don’t require my date to be the human version of CNN, I prefer to date people who have a sense of what is going on in the world, enjoy watching interesting documentaries, and know the difference between “you’re” and “your.”

2. No one likes a know-it-all –

However, with that said, no one likes a know-it-all. Years ago I dated a guy who was very smart – he taught political science at the university level and seemed to have read every book under the sun about Marxist theory. Although we were intellectual equals, because my interests didn’t always align with his, often I was left feeling like the dumb person in the relationship because I couldn’t readily quote Kierkegaard in casual conversation. Everything had to be an intellectual discussion and frankly, it was exhausting.

Although it’s nice to have someone challenge you mentally, there needs to be a balance. Sometimes you just need to be. This is why some people prefer to date someone who isn’t necessarily their intellectual equal, but instead allows them to just relax and be themselves in their presence.

3. When there isn’t a meeting of the minds, it can be tough to get through life’s curveballs together –

There are different kinds of intelligence. Some people are book smart. Some people are emotionally smart. Other people are street smart. Some people are a combination of all of the above; or one of the above and none of the others. At the end of the day, regardless of who your partner is and how they think, you need to meet somewhere. You have to be able to connect mentally and emotionally on some level, so you can discuss your relationship and solve problems together.

4. There has to be something to fall back on when the passion fades –

You can’t remain in the honeymoon period forever. Eventually that initial passion you had will settle down somewhat and if you’re lucky, grow into something even better. When that happens you need to have something to fall back on. For some people, that means being able to have interesting, in depth conversations with their partner. For other people, they’ll fall back on their partner’s other qualities. For example, their ability to make them laugh or their steady, reliability as a partner.

5. It all comes down to compatibility –

As I mentioned above, everyone is different and needs different things. Maybe you need to be with someone who constantly challenges you and keeps you “on your game” or maybe you prefer to be the stronger personality in the relationship, choosing instead to date someone who has lots of great qualities (even if formidable Scrabble opponent isn’t one of them.) However, keep in mind that what works on paper might not work in real life. You might find yourself dating someone who doesn’t fall into your pre-conceived notion of what you need in a relationship and being happier because of it. In other words, know what you want but remember to stay open.