Just because you signed the divorce papers doesn’t mean you’ve resigned yourself to a life of being single forever. Lots of people end up dating and finding new partners after they’ve been divorced. With that said – there’s no doubt that the idea of dating again after being married can be intimidating. However, although it may sound scary – getting back on the proverbial dating horse doesn’t have to be. In fact, if you approach it correctly, dating can actually be a really great opportunity to learn about yourself and meet new people – whether that’s a potential new romantic partner, activity partner or even just new friends. Need a little encouragement before you take the plunge? Wondering what’re the best online dating sites for divorced singles? Here’s a few things to keep in mind when getting ready to date after divorce.
1) Make sure that you’re ready to date – Just because you’re single doesn’t mean you’re obligated to start dating. Only date when you’re ready to date. Divorce is rarely an easy process and you’ve likely been through a lot emotionally. In order to date successfully, you need to have a good understanding of where you are in the healing process. Do you understand what went wrong in your last relationship? Do you have a really clear idea of what a healthy relationship would look like for you at this point? Are you still holding on to a lot of anger towards your ex? It’s important you know how to answer these questions.
Ending a relationship requires a grieving and that process is different for everyone. If you’re still at the point where you feel the need to have major venting sessions with your friends and family over your ex, it’s likely that you still have a lot of anger to work through. And you know what? That’s totally OK.
2) Don’t be afraid to go online – I know what you’re probably thinking – “You want me to do WHAT?” The truth is, online dating is more popular and successful than ever before. Recent research published in Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences revealed that more than one-third of American marriages today get their start online — and those marriages are more satisfying and are less likely to end in divorce. If that isn’t reason enough to give online dating a shot, I don’t know what is!
3) Choose the right online dating site for you – What makes online dating so intimidating – especially for mature adults – is the assumption that you’ll automatically get lumped in together with a bunch of shirtless and cleavage bearing 20-somethings who list “keg parties” and “chilling” as their main interests. However, the good news is that this is far from the truth. Over the past few years, online dating has become much more customized when it comes to finding what you’re looking for. Instead of immediately signing up for the first dating site you come across, consider a website like OurTime which is specifically designed for mature adults like yourself. At this stage of your life, you know what you want and value the lessons you have learned along the way. If you’re hoping to avoid excessive filtering, a site like OurTime will save you time by immediately providing you the opportunity to meet people who are at a similar stage in their lives.
4) Open up your social network – If you’re divorced, you’re looking for a fresh start. Online dating can help with this by opening you up to a wide array of people that you might not have met otherwise through your immediate social network. This doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t continue to socialize and meet people through common friends, however if this method isn’t working (and you’re tired of those awkward “I should totally set you up with my other divorced friend!” conversations), online dating could be the game-changer you’ve been searching for. Instead of wondering when and where you might meet someone, you can cut right to the chase and meet other singles like you who are ready to make new connections (all from the comfort of your laptop!) In this sense, online dating saves a lot of time.
5) Be in control – When it comes to dating after divorce, one of the most important things to remember is that you’re 100% in control of the experience. You get to decide when, where and who you go out with. If you’re afraid of getting in over your head, online dating allows you to set the pace and ease into the dating process slowly. Don’t like the pressure of a blind date or approaching someone at a bar? No problem! With online dating, you can send people messages and take your time getting to know them before you even decide to meet. You can send out messages to multiple people in one day or take a few weeks (or months) off from dating altogether – it’s totally up to you!
Lastly, it’s important that you remember that online dating is not equated with “settling.” In fact, online dating encourages completely the opposite of that by allowing you to be as selective as you want. Instead of taking a stab in the dark that someone might be right for you, a site like OurTime.com allows you to search through singles using multiple criteria so that you can connect with people who share similar interests, values and expectations as you.
Whether you’re looking for friendship, a date for Saturday night or a future life partner, by knowing what you want and approaching online dating with a positive, open-minded attitude, you’re much more likely to have a positive experience and hopefully have fun in the process!
