When it comes to revisiting past relationships, the general consensus is usually “don’t.” However, sometimes life isn’t that cut and dry. What if you met someone online, went out with them and for whatever reason it didn’t work out. Now they’ve reappeared in your life and are asking for a second chance. How do you know if you should give them another chance or say goodbye for good?

If you’re wondering whether you should give that person a second chance, here are a few things to ask yourself –

1. Do you actually like who they are as a person?

I know this probably sounds silly and you’re thinking, “Of course I like them, I dated them!” but, this is actually a valid question. When someone is trying to win you back, it’s easy to get caught up in the flattery of it all. However, just because someone fit into your life at one point doesn’t necessarily mean they do now. Maybe your values have shifted and/or you’ve learned a few things about relationships since you guys dated. So, before you get wrapped up in the flowers, compliments and grand romantic gestures, take a moment to ask yourself, “Do I actually want this person in my life?” Unless it’s an enthusiastic “Heck yes!” give yourself permission to walk away.

2. Are they willing to work on whatever it was that tore you apart in the first place?

If someone really wants to be with you, they’ll be willing to do whatever it takes to make things work. For example, maybe things didn’t work out because they weren’t willing to communicate with you, their schedule was too busy or they were preoccupied with their collection of pet iguanas. The only way things are going to work out the second time around is if you’re both willing to address whatever issues prevented you from staying together in the first place. While it’s easy to play lip service to this concept (“I can change!”), keep in mind that they need to show their intentions through their actions – not just their words. If they say they want another chance, but they’re not willing to open up to you or still insist on bringing those darn iguanas on your dates, it’s time to bounce.

3. How’s the timing?

Often dating someone doesn’t work out because of timing. Maybe at the time, one of you  swamped with grad school, dealing with health issues or you were living opposite sides of the country. Whatever it was – if the relationship was good otherwise and the only thing holding you back from being together was this barrier that is no longer there, this is a totally legit reason to give someone another chance.

4. How long have you been dating?

Whether you should give someone another chance depends a lot on how long you’ve been together and the specific circumstances. If you’ve been together for two years and this is the first time one of you has messed up, you might want to take a step back and talk things through. Humans aren’t perfect and we all make mistakes. If the relationship has been good up until this point and this is your first blip, at the very least you should hear your partner out. However, if you’ve only been dating for a few weeks and they’ve already cheated and/or betrayed your trust, you might want to seriously reconsider giving them a second chance. The same applies if you’ve been together for a long time and there’s been a pattern of betrayal. If someone is continually asking for forgiveness and second chances, it’s time to move on.

5. Are you still angry?

Have you forgiven them? Do you still have lingering negative emotional baggage? You should only give someone a second chance if you’re no longer angry and have put any bad feelings to rest. For example, if you’ve had a chance to talk through your issues or it’s been a really long time since you dated and past feelings have been let go. Either way, you need to have a clear head and heart to make things work. If you’re still angry, you need to work through that before you even consider getting back together with this person.

6. Think back to what it was like dating this person: What do they add to your life?

Ask yourself: How did I feel when I was dating them? Were things mostly good, but bad timing got in the way or did you often feel frustrated and let down? Be completely and brutally honest with yourself. We all deserve to have happy and fulfilling relationships. This means choosing to be with people who bring us up instead of down. If dating this person again won’t bring something positive to your life, it’s time to give that chance to someone who will. End of story.