There’s no greater disappointment than walking into your date’s home, only to discover that they’re basically living in their own filth.
I speak from experience. I still remember the first (and last) time I visited a former love interest’s apartment. He’d warned me that it was going to be messy, but nothing could have prepared me for what I saw when I stepped inside. Despite having very little furniture or possessions, the place was filthy. In the kitchen, there were crusty dishes piled up in the sink and garbage bags piled on the floor. In the bedroom, more dirty dishes and pizza boxes surrounded the bed (which was incidentally covered in crumbs.) On the other side of the room was a four foot high pile of laundry. But it was the bathroom that was truly terrifying: the sink was covered in beard trimmings, the floor was covered in more hair and discarded backings from a lint remover and the toilet paper had somehow gone moldy and was now speckled with blue and green spots.
My date was a well-paid professional with an upwardly mobile career. For the life of me, I couldn’t figure out why he was living in squalor. This was date number two. Needless to say, there wasn’t a date number three. Unsurprisingly, I’ve heard through mutual friends that this guy is still single.
If you’re going to invite your date to your abode, there are certain things you need to do to make a good impression. Here are a few things that you need to remove from your home before you invite your date over.
1. Dirty Dishes
Life is busy and it’s normal to have a few errant dishes lying around in the sink. However, if your sink looks more like it’s housing the leaning tower of Pisa (crusty-dish edition) than the remnants of last night’s dinner, you’ve got a problem. Do a quick sweep of your kitchen to make sure everything is reasonably in order. This includes doing the dishes, wiping up any spills, emptying the garbage and removing the bags to make sure there aren’t any unpleasant smells to contend with.
2. Laundry
One of the most shocking thing about my former date’s laundry pile was that it was adjacent to an open, empty closet that looked like it’s entire contents had been ripped from the hangers and dumped on the floor. Dirty laundry is a normal part of life, but if it’s lying around out in the open for everyone to see and (ugh) smell, you’re going to want to fix that. If you can’t do your laundry before your date comes over, stash it. That’s what closets are for.
3. Hair
Ladies and gents, clean up your hair. Ladies, make sure that you don’t have a bunch of long strands stuck to the sink. Fellas, please, please, please clean up your beard trimmings. Regardless of gender, your bathroom shouldn’t look like the recent site of a Yeti shearing.
4. Photos of Exes
While I’m not suggesting you discard every photo or memento of every ex ever, if you’ve got anything prominently displayed – you’re going to want to remove that. Nothing says, “I’m not over them” like walking into someone’s home only to discover they have a giant nude watercolour of their ex hanging above the bed (#truestory).
5. Moldy Toilet Paper or Other Unmentionables
For the love of jeebus, if you’ve managed to figure out how to make toilet paper go moldy and still have it in your home, get rid of it ASAP. Same goes for any other potentially gross or embarrassing items. Give your home and bathroom a quick once over. Make sure you have clean towels AND toilet paper stocked.
6. Pet Debris
If you’ve got critters at home, you need to include them in your cleaning plan. This means doing your best to remove pet hair from your furniture, cleaning your cat’s litter box and making sure there aren’t any funky smells in the mix before your date comes over. While animals definitely add joy to our lives, there’s nothing romantic about feeling like your date lives in an actual pigsty.
