No one likes the idea of failure – but, sometimes failing, getting knocked down and hitting “rock bottom,” provides an excellent catalyst for change. Think about it: if you’d never been fired from that job you hated, you never would have realized that you were in the completely wrong line of work. If you’d never been dumped by that person you were enamored with (who just wasn’t that into you) you never would have realized that they were the wrong person for you all along. See where I’m going with this?

Hindsight is 20/20. Often we try to fit square pegs into round holes, in attempt to make something work that was never meant to be. This especially true when it comes to dating and matters of the heart. We so desperately want something to work out that we often don’t see the error of our ways until we crash and burn.

However, here’s the thing about rock bottom: the only way is up. Although the feelings associated with failing at something suck to have to deal with (for lack of a better word), these low points in life provide us with an opportunity to rebuild and rise to the top.

Here’s a few reasons why sometimes “crashing and burning” isn’t always a bad thing when it comes to your online dating life.

1. It helps us re-focus on what’s really important.

When your dating life is moving along without any hitches, it’s easy to get caught up and just “go with the flow.” Maybe you’ll miss a game night with your friends or skip out on a family gathering (in favour of going on a date) – but, it’s all good because you’re single and putting yourself out there. Right?! Yes and no. When our dating lives are going well, it’s easy to forget about all the little things that made us happy before we decided to meet someone online. When things go badly (you get rejected, you’re heartbroken, it feels like you’ve hit romance rock-bottom), it provides us with a chance to re-discover what’s really important to us.

Without the distraction provided by online dating we can get re-acquainted with the things that made our lives awesome before we started dating. Maybe it’s spending time with family, setting aside more time with friends or exploring a hobby that was neglected. Either way, hitting rock bottom provides space to re-discover things that make us happy. Prioritizing the things and people we love, makes us better, more well-rounded people. It also helps cultivate a sense of balance for when we decide to start dating again.

2. It teaches us what we need from our relationships.

Here’s some more food for thought: we need to make mistakes in order to learn what we really need from our relationships and dating life. It’s important to date people that are wrong for us, so we can identify what is right.

If it feels like you’ve hit rock bottom – that’s OK. Take some time to feel all the feelings. Once you start to feel a bit better, this is the perfect time to reflect on what you learned from the relationship and what it says about the things you really need. For example, maybe the jealousy that ended your last relationship has made you realize how important it is that you date someone who trusts you fully and completely. Or perhaps that umpteenth awkward hook-up was the perfect reminder that sexual attraction is really important to you, but that dating and 99 cent margarita night are two things you shouldn’t mix. Whatever it is – don’t dwell on it. Instead, use these lessons to make  better dating choices in the future.

3. It builds character.

Would you rather date someone who has never struggled and always had it easy or would you prefer be with someone who has struggled, but has risen above it by turning their failures into life lessons? I’m going to guess the second one. Pulling ourselves up and out of the rubble is makes us stronger, more resilient, empathetic people and hence, builds character.

4. It gives us an opportunity to do things differently.

It’s been said that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, expecting a different result. This is certainly true when it comes to online dating. If you’ve hit dating rock-bottom, it’s time to examine your dating habits and see what you could do differently. Have you been pursuing people who make it clear that they’re not 100% available? Are you going out on date after date with people you’re not totally into? Have you been jumping into new relationships without really knowing or trusting the other person fully? Whatever it is – hitting rock bottom is a chance to ask ourselves “what can I do differently?” and press the “reset” button on our dating lives.