An article published in the Huffington Post recently made waves online because of the author Michelle Martin’s depiction of a new dating trend she calls, the “Cinderfella.” As Martin describes in her article, a Cinderfella is a “middle-aged single man with an insatiable hunger for intense emotional and physical intimacy. Cinderfellas want passion! They want fireworks! They want to feel alive! They want to be rescued from their loneliness wastelands! And they want it all by the second or third date.”

However, I’d argue that it’s not just middle aged men who are looking to be “rescued by love.” Emotionally needy people of all ages and genders can be found online. We all come to online dating sites for different reasons. Some of us are online because we’re single and ready to meet someone to have a healthy relationship with. But, there are also singles out there who are looking for love because they think it will help heal or fix problems in other areas of their lives. Enter, Martin’s Cinderfella/Cinderella phenomenon.

Although dating one of these emotionally needy types may seem harmless at first (“Hey, they’re just really, really, into me. What’s so wrong with that?”), the experience can quickly snowball towards disaster. Why? Because emotionally needy people don’t make good partners. Dating someone involves a lot of give and take. If one half of the equation is really needy, it doesn’t leave much for the other person. In other words, it becomes all about them. Also, neediness usually comes from an emotionally unhealthy place that often involves insecurities, the desire to fill a void and/or unresolved issues from past relationships.

Here’s a few signs that the person you’ve met online is too needy (and that you should approach them with caution.)

1. You’ve just met and they’re already demanding a serious commitment.

A few years ago when I first started dating, I went on a few dates with this guy. He seemed nice, however on the second date he announced, “now that we’re dating, I need to see you at least 3 times a week or this relationship won’t work.” Naturally, I was taken aback because we barely knew each other! It was too much, too soon and ultimately lead me to cut things off.

Here’s the thing with needy people: they move fast. They want a commitment right away and aren’t willing to be patient. Although this may seem refreshing at first – especially if you’re used to dealing with commitment phobes online – keep in mind, that while it’s always great to click with someone immediately, strong, healthy relationships take time to grow. If someone seems like they’re in a rush to lock things down, approach with extreme trepidation.

2. They seem to have a hard time spending time alone and don’t respect your need for “me-time.”

Ah yes, one of the surefire signs that you’re dealing with someone who is far too needy is that they don’t respect your need for time alone. They want to spend all of their time with you and expect you to do the same. When you try and set boundaries – for example, you let them know that you’ll be spending time alone or with friends on X night, they pout, get angry and/or make ultimatums. As we all know, a healthy relationship involves a balance between togetherness and time spent apart. You should be able to date someone and still spend time with the people who are important to you (including time spent solo!) An emotionally needy person doesn’t understand this, which is why you should stay far, far, away.

3. They don’t seem to have a lot of outside social connections beyond you.

It isn’t uncommon for the Cinderfella/Cinderella to lack connections in other areas of their life. Maybe they’re new in town, don’t have an established friend group or aren’t close to his family – either way, they don’t understand why you need to spend time alone or with other people because they don’t share the same need. Their online dating profile likely says they’re looking for “a running buddy, hiking partner, friends to hang out with, a girlfriend/boyfriend and a soul-mate” – and they’re hoping you can fulfill all of the above. FYI, no human being should be expected to fulfill every social and emotional role in someone’s life. If you get the feeling that this is what someone is after, politely excuse yourself from the situation.

4. It’s all about them.

A guy I met at a party last year confessed to me, “if I don’t have a girlfriend by May at the latest, this summer is totally going to suck. And, she’ll need to have X, Y, Z traits or it won’t work.” All I could think at the time was, “those are not the words of emotionally healthy adult.” This guy was clearly looking for someone to fill a void in his life. Well, guess what? Happy, healthy relationships don’t work that way. As I mentioned above, relationships involve a give and take. It can’t be all about one person’s needs. Also, it’s important for all of us to build a happy lives on our own before we decide to bring someone else into the equation. As my mother once told me, “the only time you should be in a relationship is when you don’t need to be in a relationship.” Amen to that.