Single folks, let me know if this sounds familiar: you’ve been out with someone a few times and things seem to be going really well. They’re talkative, engaged in the conversation and seem genuinely interested in learning more about you. When you’re together, they don’t shy away from physical contact and seem to feel incredibly comfortable with you. However, once the date ends and you’re back to communicating via text, it feels like a completely different story.

When it comes to texting, you’re always the one initiating conversation and they’ll often take 24-48 hours to respond. But just when you’ve given up all hope of hearing from them, they’ll resurface with an invitation to hang out or a question to keep the conversation going. They may even apologize and say that they’re just “bad at texting.” It’s frustrating because talking to this person always feels a bit like they’re on the verge of ghosting you, but then they keep changing their mind.

So, are they really just “bad at texting” like they claim, or are they just not that into you? Good question.

I’m a single woman with a smartphone who readily admits that I’m not the best at texting. I have a busy job that ties me to my computer and/or phone for most of the day. Sometimes I literally don’t have the bandwidth to answer texts. Also, because I spend so much time on my phone already, I don’t really like to spend hours texting with someone when I could just as easily meet them in person for a coffee or a drink. However, if I’m legitimately interested in someone and we’ve reached the point where we’ve exchanged phone numbers, I’ll always respond to them as soon as possible – at most, within a few hours. I’m not great at texting, but I try.

When guys I’m talking to tell me they’re “bad at texting” as an explanation as to why their communication skills are clearly lacking, I’m always a bit cautious. In many cases, I feel like “I’m bad at texting” translates to “I’m bad at making an effort.”

With that said, in this day in age when we already spend far too much time on our phones, I think a lot of people – myself included – use “I’m bad at texting” as primer to let the other person know that “I will not be texting you all day, every day.” But while I’m not always the most prompt texter, if I’m into you, trust me, you’ll hear from me sooner rather than later.

This question – Ghosting, or just bad at texting? – was posed to the men of reddit recently and the answers were quite interesting.

User GYN-k4H-Q3z-75B admits that he also uses the line “I’m bad at texting” as a time management tool and to avoid excessive texting:

I am not actually bad at it. But people who expect me to be texting all day every day on this small phone when I need to concentrate to actually get my job done make me rage. I tell them “I’m bad at texting” so I don’t get flooded with messages and people don’t get upset when I don’t reply within the next 2.37 seconds. My friends know that I hate excessive texting.

Another user, _speak has a similar point of view:

Because I genuinely despise it and how easily people get offended if I don’t text them back. I really dislike trying to convey a meaningful message over text. Because I dislike it I often don’t check my phone or care to have a conversation over text. That’s why I’m bad at texting!

However, some men. like reddit user Quantumrot, not only dislike texting, but also admit they’re actually really bad at communicating via SMS.

Because I genuinely suck. If I’m on my phone I’m looking at food pictures or memes on Instagram but not texting. It’d be more effective to tag me in a picture of a funny meme and write your message there. It is guaranteed I’d reply there faster than to a text.

Everyone has their reasons for saying “I’m bad at texting,” but we need to remember that actions speak louder than words. Even if texting isn’t your favorite thing, it takes very little effort to send someone a text – even if it’s to say something like, “I’m super busy at work right now, but I’d love to see you/talk later.” If you feel like the other person is open to communicating and consistently getting back to you within the same day, don’t sweat it. However, if you feel ghosted all the time or feel like the other person is playing games by not responding, it could be a case of poor communication skills and/or low effort and not “bad texting.”

If the latter applies, female reddit user Smallbuteffective86 has the perfect solution:

Be blunt. Tell him “I hate that game some guys play where they pretend they are not that interested by not texting back for a day or two. I’m looking for someone who does not play games, and who is just themselves.”

Then he will either stop playing the game, and text you back when he gets a text, or he will keep taking two days to answer you, and you will know that he is in fact not all that interested.

BOOM.