If things are feeling a bit chilly lately, it’s not just the never-ending flow of late summer air conditioning. According to researchers at the University of Washington, August is one of two months during which couples are more likely to get divorced. Associate sociology professor Julie Brines and doctoral candidate Brian Serafini found a pattern that suggests married couples are more likely to call it quits after the two major holiday seasons: winter and summer. The researchers believe this is because the period during the holidays is considered an inappropriate time to divorce, since the holiday season and summer months are traditionally focused on family.
As Brines says, “People tend to face the holidays with rising expectations, despite what disappointments they might have had in years past.” Holidays “represent periods in the year when there’s the anticipation or the opportunity for a new beginning, a new start, something different, a transition into a new period of life. It’s an optimism cycle, in a sense” she says.
In other words, if the holidays don’t live up to expectations, or just create added stress, that’s when couples often make the difficult decision to part ways. While Brines and Serafini’s research focused exclusively on married couples, it isn’t far-fetched to say that a similar phenomenon can affect people who are still in the dating stage of a relationship.
In a sense, the summer months keep us in a romantic bubble. The weather is warm, we’re feeling good and optimism is in the air. We’re doing things we don’t do other times of the year – going for evening picnic dates, checking out music festivals, making eyes across the table at outdoor patio bars, star-gazing with our love interest. The adrenaline and happy-go-lucky feelings are aplenty. Often this causes us to overlook certain things about the relationship that might have bothered us if we didn’t feel like we were living in our very own Instagram filter (whimsical sun-flares and all) – like the fact that our date has an enormous collection of Precious Moments figurines in their living room or that they like to go to Renaissance Fairs and wear socks with sandals in the winter. None of this matters because it’s summer (yay!) but with cooler weather often comes a reality check. The start of Fall is a time that many of us start to re-examine our relationships – for better or for worse.
I’ve seen this play out in my own romantic life more times than I care to admit. For example, last year I met a really great guy in late Spring. We clicked instantly and spent the next few sun-filled summer months going on adventures, attending a bunch of music festivals, dining al fresco and basically just having a rip roaring good time together. But, by the end of summer you could tell that the relationship had become slightly strained. I was exhausted from all of the “fun” (weekend getaways! Concerts! festivals!) and I just wanted to rest (aka cozy up with my boyfriend and watch some Netflix for a change.) On the other hand, my boyfriend was content to keep going full throttle. When it came time to actually sit still with our relationship, it became clear to both of us that we didn’t necessarily share the same values or work as a couple. Although we split closer to Halloween it still felt like a “back to school break-up.”
With that said, just because you were a couple during the summer doesn’t mean you’re destined to break up. However, if you are in the process of reexamining your relationship, here’s a few things to consider –
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Do you have fun with this person?
Do you need the rush of summer excitement to have fun with the person you’re dating (Sun! Beach! Sand! Cocktails! Drake concerts!) or can you have an amazing time chilling at home? In my experience, the best relationships are the ones where you can have a great time together literally doing nothing (no Drake concerts required.)
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Do you see a future with them?
If you see an “all season” future with this person, that’s all you need to know. Stop reading right here.
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Sometimes summer romances are just that.
Not every summer romance is meant to outlast the cooling temperatures and that’s OK. There’s a reason they’re called “back to school break-ups.” You can still learn a lot from a summer love. Perhaps you discovered you hate going to Renaissance Fairs and will never like Kombucha, or that you need to add more fun and adventure to your year-round dating life – whatever it is, take what you can from the experience and apply it to your dating life going forward.
