They say that “flirting is an art.” However, I’m more inclined to say that flirting is a learned social skill that involves common sense and a practiced awareness as to what’s appropriate. Throw in some being-true-to-yourself personality into the mix and almost anyone can become great at flirting.
Unfortunately though, in the world of online dating, far too many people fail to recognize what’s appropriate. I chalk it up to being behind a screen. When we’re separated from the other person by our laptop or smartphone, it’s that much easier to say and do things that we most likely wouldn’t have the balls (or lack of common sense) to do if the other person was standing in front of us.
So, in the spirit of “back to school,” it’s worth reviewing the basics of flirting to ensure that we’re all on the same page. Here’s a few flirtatious do’s and don’ts to keep in mind.
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Do make eye-contact.
Nervous that you just “don’t know how to flirt?” Well, the good news is that one of the easiest ways to flirt is to just make direct eye contact with your love interest. Instead of looking off to the side when one of you are speaking, hold their gaze. Look into their eyes. This is an easy way to show interest and create a connection. Plus, eye contact is just sexy – period.
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Don’t forget to blink.
Well, eye-contact is only sexy when the other person remembers to blink. Keep in mind, that while you want to make eye-contact with your date, you don’t want to stare them down like it’s midnight at your local Subway and they’re the last sandwich. That’s just creepy and you’ll likely give off a serious “crazy eyes” vibe. So, make eye-contact but don’t be weird about it.
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Do respond to their texts promptly.
One of the easiest ways to let someone know that you’re into them is to respond to their text messages promptly. You may think that you’re being sexy and mysterious when you leave them hanging, but really you’re just shooting yourself in the foot. If you’re interested in them, get back to them as soon as you can. In a world where ghosting and benching is common, being polite and responsive is a great way to set yourself apart from the pack.
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Don’t send sexually explicit messages or photos.
Well, unless they explicitly request them (but that my friends, is a totally different conversation.) If you want to flirt with your love interest, refrain from sending a text that’s 90% eggplant emojis and whatever you do, don’t send that photo where you’re not wearing all of your clothes. In other words, don’t be Anthony Weiner. While sexting can be fun once you’re in a relationship with someone (and you’ve confirmed they’re into it too), getting too sexual too fast is sure to alienate most people.
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Do use a sense of humor.
Flirting doesn’t have to be a serious affair. Laugh. Have fun. Laugh at their jokes. Try to make some of your own. Even if you’re not a natural comedian, making a joke or dropping in the odd smiley face into the conversation is a good thing. Flirting isn’t just about showing someone that you’re attracted to them, it’s also about letting them know that they can feel comfortable with you (and that you’re not like, a serial killer.) Laughter and humor is a great way to facilitate this.
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Don’t use cheesy pickup lines or make off color jokes.
In my online dating profile I mention that I have a degree in Anthropology – a biographical fact that never ceases to inspire creepy jokes about “old bones,” Indiana Jones references and requests to “enter my Temple of Doom.” Shudder. Don’t be this person. Keep it classy! This also means resisting the urge to say that you work for the FBI (“Female Body Inspectors!”) or use cheesy pickup lines (even if you think they’re hilarious.)
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Do be yourself.
I think the most important thing to remember is that good flirting happens when you’re being yourself. Although you may be tempted to put on a persona that you think will be more appealing to the opposite sex, you’re always better off being yourself. If you liken yourself to be the slightly awkward, bookish type – work with that. If you’re a master at making Star Wars puns, embrace that. At the end of the day, flirting is awesome, but you want the person to see you for who you really are – not Officer #69 at the Female Body Inspector bureau.
