Nothing kills the romance like stumbling across a really attractive guy’s profile only to read through it and find it’s littered with foul language, overt sexual references, poor spelling or a combination of all of the above.
I get it – you’re trying to come off as cool, edgy and totally badass by filling your online dating profile with profane language and cuss words. Guess what?! It actually just makes you come off as a jerk who lacks self-awareness. In other words, like someone who isn’t worth considering as a date.
Here’s a few reasons why foul language has absolutely no place in an online dating profile:
1) First impressions matter –
I know what you’re thinking – “but it’s only an online dating profile, this isn’t serious right?” True, it’s not like you’re trying to rewrite the constitution, however you still want to create an online dating profile that makes people actually want to talk to you. Unlike meeting someone in real life where you can get visual cues and assess someone’s speech, online dating depends entirely on your profile write up and photos. Think of your online dating profile write up as a fun cover letter: you want it to make a good first impression in hopes that you can get your foot in the door and move on to the next stage (actually chatting with someone and/or meeting up for a date!)
I know what your next response is – “But, I’m just being me. Isn’t that a good thing?” Yes and no. When I’m hanging out with friends that I’ve known for a long time and have had a few bourbon sours, there’s a very good chance that given the opportunity, I will curse like a sailor. However, it all comes down to context and setting. Although I’m not afraid to use occasional foul language with friends, I would never speak this way if I was meeting someone for the first time or in a professional setting. Would you use cuss words in a cover letter for your dream job?! No, of course not – so, they don’t belong on your online dating profile. End of story.
2) It doesn’t make you look cool, it makes you look like you lack class and social skills –
If you actually want to meet someone online, you need to present yourself as someone that has good social skills and can be taken out in public. Using foul language in your profile roadblocks this. When I see someone use profane language, cuss words or sexual innuendos in their online dating write up, I’m immediately turned off. Why? Because it shows that they don’t understand what’s appropriate and therefore, aren’t that serious about meeting someone. Although this might not be the case, with only the profile to go on, I’ll make this assumption and move on to more promising prospects.
Also, if this is the kind of language that they are using online, what exactly is this person going to be like in the flesh? Although I sometimes swear in private company, I don’t want to go out with someone who might be inappropriate in public. In other words, you want to present yourself as someone who is socially well adjusted and can be easily introduced to friends and family – and that means no foul language!
3) Foul language can come off as violent, threatening and angry –
Online dating can feel really vulnerable. After all, you’re putting yourself out there to literally, go out with strangers that you’ve met online. This can feel especially daunting if you’re female. As women, it’s important that we feel safe and respected with our date. Foul language is called “foul” for a reason: because it’s rude and it’s uncouth. Foul language also can come off as really aggressive – which, for most women is a huge turn-off.
4) FYI, you can still be “foul” without using actual obscenities –
“But I don’t use any swear words in my profile. Why is it still offensive?” you ask. Easy: it’s chock full of overt sexual language and innuendo. So, while it’s not “foul” it’s definitely still inappropriate. Want to know one of the easiest ways to alienate females? Get overly sexual in your profile and online dating communications. Not only is it totally creepy and far too much, far too soon, it also sends the signal that you aren’t serious about actually dating.
5) You want to be the leading man in the movie of your life –
Work with me here for a minute. If your dating life was a movie, you want to be the star of a splendid romantic comedy (a la Notebook or 500 Days of Summer) – not the leading man in the latest Guy Ritchie flick. Here’s a little fun fact: being a charming, classy gentleman is going to get you so much further with women than trying to push a bad-boy persona that just makes you come off as a jerk. Yes, some of us do go for “bad boys” however, we still want them to act like gentlemen. Take Don Draper of Mad Men for example. That guy definitely fits the bad boy mold, however he does it all in a suit, tie and with panache. That’s why the ladies love him. If he swore like a hoodlum and was overly sexual with everyone he met, most likely women would just find him creepy – despite his good looks. Although I’m not suggesting that you model your love life after Don Draper (that would be terrible), just that you keep being a gentleman in mind. If Don Draper wouldn’t say it, neither should you.
