Online dating is a double-edged sword. On one hand, it gives you access to thousands of different people that you could potentially click with. The darker side to this is that it can cause an acute case of “the grass is always greener” syndrome. With so many different options at our fingertips, it’s easy to become addicted to the idea that the “next best thing” might be just around the corner; while also feeding off the temporary validation that comes from receiving winks, messages, matches and offers of dates.
Psychology Today defines addiction as “a condition that results when a person ingests a substance that can be pleasurable but the continued use/act of which becomes compulsive and interferes with ordinary life responsibilities, such as work, relationships, or health. Users may not be aware that their behavior is out of control and causing problems for themselves and others.”
If you feel like you’re caught in this vicious cycle and online dating is interfering with your life, here’s some (very unhealthy signs) that it might be time to log off –
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You’re revamping your online dating profile and you no longer know what to put under “hobbies and interests.” Online dating is an hobby, right?!
Hey, remember that time when you used to go to yoga four times a week and belonged to multiple book clubs? Drawing a blank? If you can’t remember what you used to do before you started online dating, it’s a good sign that you need to log off for a while. People want to date people who live full, balanced lives. If you feel online dating has taken over all of your free time; take a breather, and go and get your life back.
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You depend on online dating to make you happy.
You crave those matches, winks and messages (even the creepy ones) like you crave a cigarette. You need the validation that you’re wanted, even if it’s delivered by someone you’re not even remotely interested in. When you don’t get enough of it, you feel crushed.
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You barely see your friends anymore because you’re always going on dates.
Online dating is a numbers game – right? Well, yes and no. Sure, you sometimes have to interact with a lot of different people before you find someone you actually connect with, however if your dating schedule is so packed that you’re no longer able to do other stuff like hang out with your friends or family, Houston, we have a problem.
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When you do see your friends, all you do is talk to them about online dating.
Your friends used to find your online dating stories amusing, but that was back when you had other things to talk about besides dating. Now, you’re starting to notice glazed, exasperated expressions whenever you mention the latest date you’ve been on. Also, if you catch yourself being unable to focus on your friends and their concerns – for example, you pull out your phone to check your matches while your friend is trying to tell you about “how writing a master’s thesis is really challenging when you’re a new parent” – your online dating habit is turning you into a bad friend.
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You’re going on dates with people you’re not even interested in.
Maybe you’re doing it for the possibility of a free dinner or perhaps you’ve become so dependant on the “high” of outside validation that you can’t fathom saying no to a date – any date. Whatever the reason, you’re now spending your precious time going out with people that you never would have said “yes” to if you’d met them offline. Why?
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You don’t even know why you’re online dating anymore.
When you first signed up for online dating, your intention was to hopefully meet someone nice that you could have a lasting relationship with. However, after lots of dates and some disappointments you’re not even sure why you’re dating anymore. It feels like you’re stuck on a never-ending merry go round of messages, text conversations and dates; and you can’t seem to get off.
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You have a serious case of FOMO (fear of missing out.)
You’re afraid that if you stop online dating for a minute you might miss the chance to meet “The One.” In the meantime, you’re miserable.
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Your first impulse when you meet someone great is to immediately check your phone to see what else is out there.
The person you’re on a date with is awesome, but as soon as he or she goes to the bathroom, you immediately whip out your phone and start scrolling through your other matches. It’s like you have a case of dating attention deficit disorder. Even if things are going well, you can’t resist the urge to see if the grass is greener on your phone.
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You’re not even connecting with people anymore.
You’re constantly checking your phone before, during and after your dates. Your attention is scattered. You’re not engaged or present during your dates. You’re so focused on what’s next, that you’re not connecting with the people who are right in front of you. So, what’s the point? The irony is that by being afraid of “missing out,” you really are missing out on getting to know people in real life.
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You’re not happy.
If online dating is making you miserable, stop. That’s really the only sign you need.
