I’m all for dating multiple people at the same time. Not only is it a lot of fun, it’s also a great way to find out what exactly you’re looking for from a relationship.

When I tried online dating for the first time, it had been a year since I’d ended a long-term relationship. We’d been together for over half a decade and it felt like I had almost forgotten what it was like to put myself out there and date. Online dating was there to the rescue! I had no idea what my “type” was anymore, so I decided to keep and open mind and date as many different kinds of people as possible. Within a few days of signing up for online dating, I was going on multiple dates per week with a diverse collection of potential suitors. I was having fun and learning a lot about my dating preferences. Then, I met Liam.

We met for drinks at a local wine bar and right from the get-go the chemistry between us was palpable. I was smitten. After date number number two, I disabled my online profile and decided to go all-in with Liam. I’ve always been the kind of person that when I find someone I like, I don’t feel the need to keep dating multiple people. Although things ended disastrously a few months later, I don’t regret making the choice to focus all of my energy on one person. I was able to get to know Liam and later, decide he wasn’t right for me without any competing distractions. It makes perfect logical sense, right?

So, why do people think they should “keep their options open” even after they’ve met someone amazing? It seems completely ludicrous, but it happens all of the time. I think part of the problem is that online dating encourages a kind of dating FOMO (fear of missing out.) When you log on to your favourite app and are instantly granted access to thousands of singles you could potentially date, it gives the illusion that there’s always someone better around the corner. But, that’s all it is – an illusion.

Met someone you really like? Here’s why “keeping your options open” is total BS.

1. You need to give it a real chance.

If you’ve met someone that you could potentially see a future with, you owe it to yourself to give it a chance. You can’t accomplish this when you’re being pulled in a million different directions by a bunch of people you kinda-sorta-like. You’ve found someone you like – that’s amazing. Give it a chance. If it doesn’t work out, at least you’ll have a definitive answer as to whether you should be together.

2. Great connections are rare.

Online dating culture makes it seem like really great connections happen all the time – but they don’t. It’s not hard to meet good people online, however finding someone you really connect with is kind of rare. You’ve found a unicorn! Don’t give that up just because you’re curious to see whether the grass is greener on the other side.

3. You’re selling yourself short.

The phenomenon of FOMO makes us feel like it’s all the other options we’re potentially missing out on. However, when you keep your options open even after you’ve met someone really great, you risk blowing your chances with that one special person because you’re distracted, unfocused and chasing that FOMO carrot. Cue the Alanis Morrisette (“isn’t it ironic, don’t you think?”)

4. Making a commitment (even if it’s just to see where something goes with one person) is actually good for you.

Research by Harvard psychologist Dan Gilbert, author of Stumbling on Happiness, shows that reversible, keep-your-options-open decisions reliably lead to lower levels of satisfaction than irreversible ones. This means that we are significantly less happy with our choices when we can back out of them.

As Gilbert explains, we are less happy when we “keep our options open” because once we make a final, no-turning-back decision, the psychological immune system kicks in. This refers to our mind’s uncanny ability to make us feel good about our decisions. When we commit to a certain course of action, we stop thinking about alternatives (and if we do they don’t seem appealing.)  It’s our mind’s way of reaffirming our clearly superior and awesome choice.

However, when we keep our options, we never stop thinking about the downside (did I make the right choice? Should I really be dating Karen? Is Wendy the right person for me?) When we can easily back out of choices, we’re never sure if we made the right ones. Therefore, keeping our options open actually creates more anxiety than happiness.

Plus, there’s something to be said about being intentional with your dating life. If you haven’t met someone you really connect with, keep dating. Date away! Have fun! However, if you are lucky enough to find that unicorn, don’t be afraid to make a choice. Focusing on one person is a risk, but one that has the potential for big payoff – even if it means never having to wonder “what if?”