No matter how you look at it, no one likes break-ups. When a relationship ends, it can leave you feeling like you’ve had the wind knocked out of your sails.

However, the good news is that hearts heal and eventually you’ll find yourself in a place where you’ll want to get back into dating. We live in a culture where we’re encouraged to dust ourselves off and “get back on the horse” as soon as possible after we’ve fallen down. Because of this, many people will rush the healing process; pursuing relationships before they are emotionally or mentally ready to be with someone new.

The truth is that getting over a breakup takes time and there’s nothing wrong with taking a “time out” while you recoup. Whether that’s weeks, months or years totally depends on the individual. Not sure whether you should start dating again?

You’re ready to date when you can say “yes” to the following things-

1. You’re comfortable with your single status and are happy spending time on your own.

Have you taken the necessary time after the break-up to heal and settle into your new single status? Taking time for yourself after a breakup (instead of jumping into dating again right away) is so, so important. Why? Because you need to be happy with yourself and being on your own, before you can be happy with someone else. Sure, it’s totally normal to miss having a boyfriend or girlfriend to spend time with, however there’s a difference between missing something and thinking you need something in order to be happy. The only time you should consider dating is when you know that you don’t need someone else to complete you.

2. You’ve let go of your anger –

It’s natural to feel angry about the circumstances that ended your relationship – for example, if your ex was unfaithful or behaved badly. Sometimes it can take a long time for these feelings to ease off and that’s OK. Give yourself time to feel whatever you need to feel. Just know that if you’re still in a state of anger or bitterness about your breakup, dating isn’t going to fix anything. You need to make sure you’ve resolved the hurt and anger from your prior relationship before you start dating again.

3. You’re ready to leave your last relationship where it belongs: in the past.

Do you still think about your ex constantly? Do you bring them up in conversation all of the time? Do you compare everyone you meet to your former love? If you’ve answered “yes” to any of these questions, you are not ready to date again – period. Honour the good memories, let go of the bad and don’t use your ex as a yardstick to measure everyone you meet. In order to be able to enjoy being with someone new you need to be comfortable with leaving the “ghosts of relationships past” in their rightful place.

4. You’re dating for the “right reasons” –

You’re not trying to piss off your ex. You’re not trying to fill a void left behind by someone else. Instead, you’re dating because you’re ready to move on and meet new people to see where things go.

5. You’re OK with taking your time –

When you’ve been hurt, often there’s the impulse to try and fill that void left by your ex with someone else. However, if you’re truly ready to date you won’t be looking to rush into anything new. You’ll be comfortable taking your time and meeting new people without the expectation of immediately getting into another relationship.

6. You can look back on your previous relationship honestly.

Are you able to take ownership of went wrong in your last relationship? Although it’s easy to look back on our past relationships with rose coloured glasses and only see the good moments, being ready to date means that you can acknowledge both the good, the bad and the part you played in each. In other words, you’ve learned something from your past relationships and are ready to apply these lessons to your dating life in a positive way.

8. You know what you want and don’t want –

One of the worst moves you can make is to go into dating without a clear idea of what you’re actually looking for. After all, you can’t get what you want if you’re not even sure about what that is. When you’re ready to date you’ll have a clear idea of what you’re looking for and what you’re definitely not looking for based on your previous relationship experience. Even if you’re just looking for something really casual, have the courage to own that and communicate it to the people you meet.