I spent several years of my twenties putting the needs of the people I dated ahead of what I really wanted and needed from my relationships. The end result was that I was so embroiled in other people’s drama, insecurities and emotional “stuff,” that my needs got pushed to the wayside. By not putting myself first, I ended up martyring myself to a lot of romantic situations and people that weren’t good for me. In turn, never got what I wanted out of these relationships and instead was left feeling burnt out and dissatisfied.

While there’s definitely something to be said about selflessness and being there for other people, you can still be a kind, generous person without neglecting your own needs. After all, how are you going to be there for other people when you can’t even be there for yourself?

Here’s 10 healthy things that singles you put themselves first do differently.

1. They don’t make online dating their entire life.

Between reaching out to new people, responding to messages and actually going on dates, online dating can feel like a second full time job. However, singles who put themselves first understand the importance of balance. In other words, they don’t let online dating take over their life. They set aside space for online dating, but the rest of their time is spent living their life — spending time with friends and family, advancing their career and doing things they enjoy.

2. They know what they want and they don’t deviate from this.

If they’re looking for a serious relationship, they don’t waste their time dating people who clearly state that they are just looking for something casual or “to have fun.” Instead of compromising on their needs, they’d rather wait and focus their energy on people who share the same relationship goals (even if it means being alone in the interim.)

3. They listen to their inner voice.

Our intuition – or gut – often provides the best dating advice. Singles who put themselves first are attuned to their inner voice. If something feels off about a situation or person, they listen to their gut. Even if someone seems great on paper, if your inner voice says “no,” it’s important to listen.

4. They don’t try and please everyone.

They know who they are and they make that very clear in their online dating profile, as well as on first dates. If someone doesn’t mesh with their values or appreciate their quirky interests, they’re OK because they’re confident that there are other people out there who will. They’re not interested in attracting everyone, just people that they legitimately have things in common with.

5. They practice self-care.

They frequently take a breather from the online dating life to look after their mind and body. Whether they’re kicking butt at the gym, having a quiet night of “me time” or speaking to a counsellor about a recent breakup; they’re all about staying healthy both physically and mentally.

6. They don’t let the people they date determine their self-worth.

While they’d love to find a relationship, they don’t need one to feel worthy. If someone rejects them, they still feel the hurt but they don’t let it shape how they view themselves. They don’t give people’s actions the power define their self-worth. They’ve got a healthy self-esteem and know that they’re more than enough on their own.

7. They don’t emotionally drop-kick themselves.

Dating can sometimes be a bummer, especially when it feels like you’re doing everything right and you’re still not meeting anyone. When you’re feeling this way, it’s easy to fall prey to negative self talk (i.e. “you’ll never meet someone” or “there’s something wrong with you.”) It’s OK to feel discouraged, but people who put their needs first don’t kick themselves when they’re already down. Instead of getting dragged down by negativity, they allow themselves to feel what they need to feel before moving forward.

8. They demand respect from the people they date.

Singles who put themselves first show people how they expect to be treated. They have high standards and a healthy self-esteem which means they’re not going to let people walk all over them. Instead, they lead by example by choosing to be crystal clear about how they should be treated by the people they date. At the end of the day they understand that you don’t just get respect – you earn and demand it.