I remember the first break-up I ever went through. I was 18th, and my then boyfriend announced that he was ending our relationship and moving to Australia to “find himself.” It was my first experience with heartbreak and it wouldn’t be my last. I learned pretty quickly that the easiest way to get over being hurt was to hate the other person. I loathed my ex, taking every opportunity to point out what a jerk he was (which, wasn’t untrue. He broke up with me at a bus stop, handed me some change and took off in his truck).

Although you’re entitled to your anger following a split, staying angry will only make you bitter. It’s better to honour those feelings – vent, vent some more and even throw a few plates if you have to – and then let them go. Once the dust has settled, you can ask yourself, “What have I learned from this experience?” Learning from our past relationships is what helps us grow and prevents us from making the same mistakes again (and dating the same kinds of people over and over again).

Your breakup may have left you heartbroken, but you’re actually a better person because of your ex. Don’t believe me? Here’s a few things you can thank your exes for –

1. Making you better at your next relationship –

When a relationship ends, it’s natural to ask yourself what you could have done differently – for example, maybe you feel you were too controlling, didn’t show enough affection or allowed workplace drama to dominate your relationship. Either way, you can’t change the past so, let those bad feelings go. What you can change is your next relationship. By things not working out, your ex has provided you with the opportunity to become the kind of partner you’d want to be with. Once you’ve come to terms with where you might have screwed up in the past, you can use this self-knowledge to make your next relationship better.

2. Showing you what you do and definitely don’t want in a relationship –

If my teenage ex had never broken my heart I was wouldn’t have learned some very important lessons about what I do and don’t want in a relationship – for example, I learned that physical chemistry is really important to me (do) however, all of that is moot if the person doesn’t share my interests and can’t be emotionally available (don’t.)

Acknowledge the things you didn’t like about your last relationship and use those lessons to guide you in the future. However, don’t forget to also acknowledge what went right. For example, if you and your ex had a really strong sense of trust or shared similar values. You can use the good to guide you just as much as the bad.

3. Reminding you of your own strength –

If no one had ever broken up with me I never would have learned how strong my heart actually is. As much as breakups suck, they show us what we’re able to overcome. If you can get through a terrible breakup, you can get through anything.

4. Not giving you want you need, so you could become clear on exactly how much you needed it –

If I’d never dated a two-timer, I never would have learned the true value of honesty in a relationship. If I’d never dated someone who kept me at an arm’s length I never would have realized just how much emotional intimacy is important to me. By not giving us what we need, our exes help us become clear on what’s essential for future relationships.

5. Teaching you to be grateful for what didn’t work out –

When I look back on my previous relationships, I’m thankful for the ones that didn’t work out. Although I have some good memories from those days, I have so many more amazing memories that may not have materialized had I stayed with some of those exes. They’ve made me grateful for good my life is now.

6. Leaving so you can meet someone better –

Almost everyone has had someone they love or care about walk out on them. When you think about it, breakups are a blessing in disguise. If someone is willing to walk away from being with you, they were never the right person in the first place. When someone breaks up with you, they’re opening up the door for you to meet someone who is a much better match. Although they can be painful, breakups are the Universe’s way of nudging you towards the right person.