If you compared the recipes for friendship and romance, you’d see a lot of the same ingredients: respect, intimacy, support, pleasure – even love. Because of their similarities it can be confusing to try and untangle the two.

While being friends is an important part of healthy, happy, romantic partnerships (after all, that’s why all those Facebook posts say things like “I’m so excited to marry my best friend today!” – it’s not just to annoy you, right?) but it’s not enough on it’s own. To become a couple there needs to be more: like passion, sexual attraction and a shared vision of the future.

If you’re trying to figure out whether you should just be friends, here are a few surefire signs that keeping things platonic is the way to go.

1. There’s zero physical attraction.

There’s a difference between being “attracted” to someone – i.e. being drawn to them because they are kind, funny and thoughtful – and wanting to rip their clothes off. Friends can find each other attractive, but that doesn’t mean that they necessarily want the relationship to go beyond the platonic. For example, I think all of my male friends are lovely individuals – that doesn’t mean I want to date them. If just the thought of kissing your date makes you squirm (and not in a good way), it’s a sign that it’s probably best you just keep things friendly.

2. They recoil from your touch.

Just because you’re physically attracted to them, doesn’t mean that they’re going to feel the same way about you. Such is the painful truth re: attraction. Not sure if they feel the same way? Pay attention to their body language. Try lightly touching their arm while you tell a joke. Put your arm around them while you walk down the street. If you feel them flinch or become tense, it means you’ve overstepped the physical barrier that separates friendship from romance and they’re showing a physical reaction to this. In other words, do not pass “go.”

3. You don’t share any of the same long term goals.

In order for someone to be a good match as romantic partner, your future paths need to be aligned. Couples that get together and stay together generally share a lot of the same values, goals and things they’re willing to commit to. Whether that’s marriage and children or becoming nomadic entrepreneurs that live in a yurt six months of the year; you need to be on the same page about the big stuff. If you really enjoy someone’s company but your values and goals diverge in major ways, it might be best to just keep things platonic. After all, there’s a big different between wanting to hear about that yurt over a quick latte and actually wanting to live in it.

4. You’re not on the same page about how much time you want to spend together.

When you’re in a romantic relationship with someone you want to spend as much time together as you can. However, if you find that they only want to hang out at very specific times – for example, whenever they need help with something – or they seem super content sharing a beer together every three weeks (or vice versa), then maybe it’s best to keep things platonic.

5. There doesn’t seem to be much alone time.

Romantic relationships require intimacy that’s fostered by spending time alone together. If you or your love interest continually invite you to hang out in groups – or they always seem to finagle their way out of spending time with you alone, it might mean that they’re trying to send the message that they’d rather be friends. Alternatively, if the thought of going on a romantic date with someone makes you a) laugh hysterically b) recoil in horror c) both, then it’s best to keep things platonic.

6. You have totally different ideas on commitment.

Or, you’re simply looking for different things. They’re looking for a serious commitment that could lead to marriage, whereas you’re more interested in having some fun and seeing what’s out there. If both of you are clear about what you’re looking for and your romantic goals don’t line up, it might be best to keep things platonic for the time being to avoid one or both of you from getting hurt.

7. Neither of you mind consistently wearing sweatpants when you hang out.

Ah yes, the age old “sweatpant test.” Dating should involve some effort and healthy nerves. If you’re legitimately interested in someone you’ll want to bring your A-game – and that includes making sure your exterior looks appealing. But, if you or your love interest consistently show up looking like they just rolled off the sofa then darling, you’ve failed the sweatpants test.