Ladies, if you’re still hanging onto the notion that you should wait for him to make the first move, you’re not only doing online dating wrong, you’re doing a disservice to your love life. Long story short, by not making the first move online at least some of the time, you’re potentially missing out on some great connections.
The numbers speak for themselves: according to a study conducted by Cupid.com, 87 percent of men were willing to give a woman they weren’t otherwise interested in a chance if she made the first move. The study, which surveyed 891 single men, also found that 90 percent of men want women to initiate the first move in a relationship in general and 74 percent of men are just sitting around waiting to be swept off their feet.
So, what are you waiting for? Here are a bunch of really good reasons why you should make the first move in 2017.
1. It takes the pressure off.
I spoke to some of my guy friends and they all said the same thing: as men, they’re expected to make the first move and, frankly, it can get pretty stressful. Between trying to gauge her interest to figuring out the right thing to say without coming off as “creepy,” the pressure to get things right can often just lead to inaction. So, when a woman makes the first move, it’s refreshing and, more often than not, a total relief.
2. It’s more efficient.
Waiting for him to make the first move? In the words of internet sensation Sweet Brown, “Ain’t nobody got time for that!” To get the most out of online dating, you need to be efficient and maximize your time whenever possible. Instead of waiting and wondering about a guy you’ve been matched with online, approach him first. Sure, making the first move might feel a bit nerve wracking at first, but the more you do it, the less daunting it will become. If the guy doesn’t return your interest, at least you’ll get the green light to move on.
3. It shows that you’re confident.
Let’s face it – confidence is sexy. Guys are typically impressed when women make the first move. When you let someone know that you’re interested in them, it shows that you’re an adult who knows what they want – all good things! If a guy is turned off by that a.) he’s living in the dark ages and b.) he’s not the right person for you.
4. Things move fast online.
I can’t count how many times I’ve been online, spotted a guy that looked super cute and thought “I’ll loop back around and message him later,” only to log on the next time and see that his profile was gone. There’s a certain impermanence to online dating. You never know when someone might decide to delete their profile. So, if you see someone interesting, carpe the heck out of that diem and make the first move.
5. It sets you apart from the pack.
Another recent study – this time from OkCupid – found men are more likely to send the first message on the dating website than women. This trend was shared among women of all ages, who have sent a median of three to four first messages. Men, on the other hand, send a median of nine to 15 first messages, depending on their age. What this means: because so few women message first, if you want to get noticed online, initiating contact is a great way to set yourself apart from the masses.
6. Your message is more likely to lead to an actual conversation.
If you’re a woman sending the first message online, the odds are in your favor. The same study from OkCupid found that 30 percent of those initial messages sent by women turned into a conversation. Women are 2.5 times more likely to get a response than men if they initiate contact. I suspect this is because by going after our own interests, we’re having conversations we actually want to have online, as opposed to just responding to what’s already in our inbox.
7. Why not?
Statistics and research findings aside, it’s important to keep in mind that life is short. Are you going to sit around waiting for someone else to make something happen or are you going to make it happen for yourself? When it comes to making the first move online, my philosophy is: why not?! Really, what’s it going to hurt? The worst that can happen is that they won’t be interested. In this case, at least they’ve cleared the path so you can focus your energy on meeting other people who will be super stoked that you made the first move.
Don’t know where to start? Check out our comparison list of our Top 5 Dating Picks of 2017 and see if this year is finally your year meet your special someone.
