Ah, the bad boy. It goes without saying that most of us have gone through a bad boy (or bad girl) phase in our dating careers. It makes sense – bad boys and girls are sexy and unpredictable. What’s not to like?! However, as much as these sexy creatures are fun and exciting to be around in the moment, trying to date a bad-boy or girl long term is a completely different story. At the end of the day, they’re called “bad” for a reason – because dating them often leads to a lot of frustration and/or heartache.

Not sure whether you have a bad boy or bad girl on your hands? Here’s a few clues to look out for:

1. They seem completely indifferent to dating you (and you kind of like it).

Let’s just get this out of the way: desperation is a huge turn-off. I don’t think I’m alone when I say that I don’t want to date someone who is a pushover. Instead, most of us are drawn to people who are confident and self-assured. Bad boys and girls take this to a whole other level. They’re masters at studied indifference, and we love them for it. We’re attracted to them because of their ‘take it or leave it’, laissez faire attitude towards dating. They withhold affection until exactly the right moment. However, when a bad-girl or bad-boy decides to shower you with attention, it’s like having that first sip of an ice cold beer on hot summer day: it just tastes that much sweeter. If any of this sounds familiar, there’s a good chance you’re dealing with a bad boy/girl.

2. You feel like you’re always waiting around for him or her –

Your heart literally skips a beat whenever they call/text/show up somewhere, because you never know when it’s going to happen. It’s always a game of “will they or won’t they?” At first this may seem fun and exciting. (They’re spontaneous and totally unpredictable!) however, eventually it wears thin. What can initially be written off as a devil may care attitude, actually just says that they don’t really value your time – which is exactly what you don’t want from a date or partner!

3. Thrill-seeking behavior is their jam –

Motorcycles. Cliff diving. Partying. Your bad boy or bad girl loves anything that pushes the limits of everyday life and gives them that much desired adrenaline rush. However, while moonlit motorcycle rides through the canyons is an exhilarating way to spend an evening, when you’re dating a bad boy or girl, you always have to wonder whether dating you is just another “thrill.”

4. They’re really “obsessed” with their job –

Whether they’re a wannabe rock musician looking for their big break or a high-powered attorney, bad boys and girls will never miss an opportunity to let you know how important/all consuming/ high-stakes their job is – especially in relation to dating you. For example, it’s not unusual to hear them say stuff like, “I can’t really have a serious girlfriend right now because my band is about to blow up and I might be touring in 6 months” or “I’m doing all these multi-million deals this week. It’s going to be all hands on deck, so really I’ll only be able to see you super late at night.” They do this as a subtle way to let you that you’re not their #1 priority (until they need you) and that they can’t commit. Listen to them.

5. Their availability is either extremely restricted or extremely open and they seem to run on a completely different schedule than everyone else you know.

Whether it’s asking you to come over at 2am “to watch TV” or wanting to go kayaking in the middle of a workday, trying to pin down a bad boy or girl to regular post 9-5 dating hours is nearly impossible. This could be because they’re dating a bunch of other people, or that they don’t have a job at all. Either way, this eventually gets old when you realize you can’t keep up with their random, constantly shifting schedule.

6. They keep you on the hook –

Remember the episode of How I Met Your Mother where Ted was being kept “on the hook” by a girl he was interested in? Keeping someone “on the hook” basically means telling them, “You’re awesome and amazing but I can’t date you…right now” or “I love hanging out with you all the time but I can’t have a girlfriend…right now.” It stops commitment dead in it’s tracks by alluding to an imaginary future that most likely will never happen and it’s classic bad boy/bad girl behavior. Keep in mind, if someone really wants to date you, they will make it happen and it won’t be this complicated. End of story.