Even if your dating mantra is “I don’t play games!” – we all play games at some point or another in our dating careers. Yes, to the person who is waiting “the requisite” 48 hours to contact the person they really like – I’m talking to you.
I have a theory of why we play the games we play: it’s because dating is scary. Putting yourself out there can make you feel really vulnerable. When you open yourself up to someone else, there’s always the possibility that they’ll reject you and that’s scary as heck. So, in order to protect ourselves, we play games. The little games we play provide us with a false sense of control over an uncontrollable situation.
However, when we treat the people we’re dating like our opponents, instead of just being honest and upfront about our feelings, everyone loses.
Here’s a handful of dating games we all need to quit, stat.
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Waiting for the other person to text first.
What is this…1955?! Stop playing a game of phone chicken and just call or text the person. Here’s a little secret: if someone is into you, they want to hear from you. Although I wouldn’t suggest showing up at their house after the first date armed with flowers, a boombox and a bedroom window serenade rehearsed (that’s just creepy), showing enthusiasm about someone shouldn’t be construed as a weakness. So, text him or her first. Worst case scenario – you’ll discover that maybe they’re not as into you; leaving you and your boombox to move on swiftly.
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Making up excuses about why you can’t see someone instead of just admitting that you’re not that into them.
“I don’t know if seeing each other this week is going to work. Things at my job are really busy right now. Also, I’m pretty sure my pet iguana is coming down with the flu. Let’s play it by ear.” Sound familiar? I get it – letting people down and hurting their feelings sucks.But, you know what else sucks? Using Artie the Iguana as an excuse yet again, instead of just politely telling someone, “hey, I think you’re awesome but I’m just not feeling a strong connection.” Not only do you save Arty from yet another humiliating bout with the fake flu, you also help the other person move on more easily by not leading them on.
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Ghosting instead of breaking up.
While ghosting is sometimes the best and only option (like when you literally do not want the person in your life and speaking to them is a threat to your mental health or safety), in general, ghosting is the coward’s way out. If you respect someone enough to go on a few dates with them, you at least owe it to them to be honest about the fact that you’re just not feeling it. Trust me, potentially hurting someone’s feelings is a 100% better than leaving them hanging. Take the high road and do the right thing.
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Saying “I’m fine” when really, you’re not.
Hey, guess what? The person you’re dating isn’t a mind reader! They’re not magically going to figure out each and everyone of your complex emotions on their own. Expecting this from someone is not only wildly unrealistic, it’s also completely ridiculous. You know what’s so much better? Communicating clearly and speaking your mind. So, next time your partner does something that you really, really, need to talk about, stop saying “I’m fine” when really you need to say something like, “when you do _____ it makes me feel really hurt/uncomfortable.”
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Dating a bunch of different people that you’re not really into just to see where the chips land.
Maybe you’re doing this because you need to flatter your ego or maybe you’re just scared of getting hurt by focusing on one person – either way, it’s time to stop playing dating monopoly. While you’re rolling the dice to “see what happens” with a bunch of different people that you’re not really that into (but that occupy your time nonetheless), you’re missing out on meeting one person who you could really, really like. So, stop treading water and go after what you really want. It’s better to be single and alone than date a bunch of different people – none of which are the right ones.
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Saying “I don’t play games” when really, you do any or all of the above.
I see you there and you’re not fooling anyone. Actions speak louder than words, so stop living by this false dating mantra. Cut the games, buck up and get real. You might be surprised at how your dating life changes in new, positive ways.
