Not all opening lines are created equal. That’s what Angelica, a 19-year old in Connecticut, was reminded of when she let her 15-year old sister goof around on her Tinder account.
As told to Buzzfeed, the pair was hanging out when Angelica handed the phone to her sister and told her she could swipe through on anyone she wanted.
Her sister came across a Tinder user named Danny, whose profile picture displayed him posing next to Ronald McDonald. Her little sister thought it was funny and decided to swipe right.
The swipe was a match. However, nothing could have prepared Angelica or her sister for what came next. Danny reached out with the following message:
“If I had a chance to stop the Holocaust or go on a date with you, I’d take the date with you.”
Stunned by his response, Angelica wrote back, “I’m Jewish.”
Danny didn’t even flinch. His response: “I’m Catholic.”
Angelica’s response was to unmatch him.
As Angelica told Buzzfeed, “At first I was baffled. I didn’t know what to say. I was like, who uses that as a pickup line?”
While she was surely offended, she’s trying not to take it to heart – but she can’t help it. As she told Buzzfeed, “[I said] I’m kind of taking it to heart a little bit!”
As she should! Perhaps the chemicals from Danny’s Big Macs have started to affect his judgement, because we can’t seem to wrap our heads around why anyone would think this pick-up line was OK.
Aside from the fact that Danny attempted to make a joke about one of the darkest moments in human history; his pick-up line is just creepy. Think about it. Basically, what he’s trying to say is: “I’d rather have millions of people die tragically and horrifically than miss out on dating you.” Shudder.
So, for all the potential Danny’s out there, here’s a primer on some of the opening lines you might want to avoid when approaching potential dates online.
- Hey.
Sure, you may not be making a joke about mass genocide, but this still rates as a terrible opening line. Writing “hey” and nothing else is not only boring and unoriginal, it also says loud and clear that you’re only willing to make a bare minimum effort when it comes to meeting new people. Plus, how are you supposed to respond to “hey”? A “hey” back? Nope. Nope. Nope.
- Random requests that have nothing to do with dating.
Or maybe they do. If you’re using an online dating app, the point is to use it to date. That’s why everyone is using it, so be a peach and don’t waste their time. If you’re looking for someone to “put their feet inside a cabinet for an art project” then you might want to try a different website, i.e., Craigslist. Same goes for you, Gavin with the rain poncho.
- Anything that makes light of a traumatic historical event or news item.
“Are you United? Because you’re a knockout!” might sound cute in your head, but if you have the urge to use a line like this, for the love of jeebus, please reconsider. Not only are making these kinds of jokes in bad taste, but as Danny learned, you also never know who you’re speaking to and whether they’ll find it extra offensive. Be the opposite of Nike. Just don’t do it.
- Sexual puns.
Getting overtly sexual in the first message is always a surefire way to alienate a potential date. However, there’s a special place in the “terrible opening lines hall of fame” for sexual comments that also manage to be terrible, cringe-worthy puns. So, please keep your lines about “stuffing” (“are you a teddy bear?”) and creepy Willy Wonka/hot chocolate references to yourself.
- Anything that jokes about violence.
Don’t be like Adam and mention that you want to “abduct” a potential date. It’s also not cool to crack jokes about how you’re “totally not a serial killer.” People want to feel safe meeting people online. Making references to violence doesn’t help the cause.
- Opening lines that read like a novel.
There is absolutely no need to send a novel-length opening line on an online dating app. Rule of thumb: if the text is longer than the width of your thumb, save it for the first date.
If you’re looking for the perfect opener, keep it simple. A straightforward, “Hey there, I love that you ______ (comment about something in their profile). How’s it going?” will get you way further than any of the lines mentioned above.
