Have you ever noticed that it seems like some people just “get” online dating (and you don’t think you’re one of them)? Well, it’s not just you.
On one hand, online dating is one of the greatest inventions ever. Where else can you connect with thousands of other single people all at once? But, when you go into online dating without any focus, clarity or game plan, it’s easy to get discouraged and overwhelmed.
Looking to up your dating game this fall? Here’s a few things that successful online daters already know and practice in their online dating lives.
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It’s all about the main profile photo.
You could have a carefully penned, Pulitzer winning-esque profile write up but if it’s accompanied by a photo that is unclear, grainy, taken at an awkward angle or obscures your face somehow – it’s not going to matter. Humans are visual creatures and your profile photo is your chance to make a good first impression. Would you go into a darkened bar, scowling, wearing dark sunglasses and a thick coat of green face paint in hopes of meeting someone? Probably not. So, apply the same principal to your online dating photos. For your profile, choose a photo that shows your face clearly (without sunglasses on) and smile. Studies have shown that people are way more likely to click on a profile where the person is smiling (and doesn’t look like a serial killer.) Just a thought.
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Be yourself. Allow your vulnerability to show.
Stop trying to be the Kanye West of online dating. Being self-confident is one thing, but if your entire profile is all about how great you are, you’re going to come off as a total douche. Instead, don’t be afraid to show your vulnerabilities – and this includes your nerdy hobbies. If there’s something you’re really into that is super specific and maybe even a bit geeky – like you’re obsessed with historical, true crime podcasts or love wandering the aisles of Whole Foods – list it. People aren’t looking for the person who is “THE BEST AT EVERYTHING.” They’re looking for someone who is humble, unique and most importantly – human.
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Be personal.
If you send out form messages en masse (“hey, what’s up? I like your profile”) to anyone you’re remotely interested in, you’re doing online dating wrong. Three words: Read. Their. Profile. Instead of looking at the “about me” section as something secondary to be skimmed over, see it as your #1 wing-man/woman. Unless the other person has totally phoned it in while creating their profile, in theory the “about me” section should provide some helpful clues about what they’re into.
Take a close look before you send that first message. Take note if there’s a certain interest, activity or other detail you share in common and mention it in your first message. If they write about backpacking through India, tell them how you’ve always wanted to go to Goa and ask them what they liked best about their trip etc. You get the idea. The point is to show them you are paying attention and are interested in what they’re about.
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You’re not required to reply to anyone.
Whether the person is outright creepy or just doesn’t spark your interest with their first message of “sup?” keep in mind that you’re not required to reply to them. I used to think that I had to reply to everyone – even the real creeps (I thought it was my responsibility to put them in their place) – until I realized that my time was better spent only messaging people I actually wanted to have conversations with. It may feel like you’re being rude at first, but there’s only so many hours in the day. You came here to meet someone special, not be everyone’s friend.
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Use positive, aspirational language.
A seasoned online dater understands that people don’t respond well to negativity. Mention your hopes and dreams, keeping things positive, upbeat and optimistic. If you notice anything in your profile that could be interpreted as negative (ie. “I want to meet someone but so far all I’ve had is terrible experiences” or “My ex shattered my heart to pieces”) – remove it.
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Flirt carefully.
It’s so easy to come off as too aggressive, too soon when you’re flirting online. Instead of complementing the other person on their body or appearance, show your interest by being interested in their interests. For example, telling someone “I think it’s really awesome that you’re an anthropologist!” is way more sexy and romantic than telling them they look “delicious” in their profile photo (shudder.)
